Just a Dream Away
by Kassi
Summary: A restless, short-tempered Rikku asks a favor of a fayth - she wants to change the past. Rated T for Al Bhed swearing.
1. Something Everyone Wants

_DISCLAIMER: Final Fantasy X and its characters, places, and situations are (C) copyright 2001 Square Co. Ltd. They are reproduced here for non-commercial entertainment. All other material is mine._

_Almost all of the Al Bhed words in this fic are mild swearing when Rikku gets pissed off, so you don't have know Al Bhed to get the gist of what's going on. But for those of you who really wanna know, there's a translator online._

* * *

Unused to anger, Rikku was at a loss. She didn't know what to do with herself. The debates and endless arguments over how to approach Sin made her restless - and angry. She distanced herself from her friends by searching for the Godhand in order to deal with whatever it was that was pissing her off.

Striking out on her own made her feel less claustrophobic, and some of her emotions unraveled in the desert heat as she sought the sigil to unlock her weapon. The endless sand dunes provided a sort of canvas on which to paint answers.

_I'm mad 'cause I feel helpless,_ she reasoned. _I'm afraid for Yunie and I don't feel strong enough to help her. I adore her. I don't want her to die. _Her jaw hardened._ I don't want anyone to die anymore._

Even when she closed her eyes she was still haunted by a vision, one that invaded her dreams so much she wasn't even sure if it was reality or fevered imaginings anymore. It had been late at night on the airship, and she'd been prowling the corridors, unable to sleep. No one else seemed to have that problem. She was alone with the constant hum of the airship and a few technicians keeping it in flight... until she came across Auron.

She couldn't bring herself to ask him to his face. She felt sure he'd looked right at her, his face a rictus of regret and pain. She'd never forget that face, the smell of alcohol, or the glow of pyreflies around him.

The memories they'd seen in Yunalesca's temple haunted her, waking and sleeping. Auron's anger had led him to attack Yunalesca, and she'd summarily killed him. Only when she'd first seen it, she hadn't realized that it was responsible for more than just a few of Auron's scars.

Maybe it was making Rikku angry, too, because the idea that Auron was dead made her feel even more helpless, afraid, and...

Enraged.

She grew more and more vicious with the fiends she met, and never called the airship to pick her up.

_What would daddy think of his little girl now?_ she thought, plunging the Godhand into a dark flan, feeling it fall apart with twisted satisfaction. She looked up and saw Zanarkand's temple ruins before her. She felt driven, her face suffused with pressure. She charged into the temple, tearing through machinery and monks in a homicidal haze.

She stood in Yunalesca's empty chamber. She grew suddenly aware of the adrenalin shaking her body to the core. Fear, anger, despair crystallized in her soul. She screamed, unholy, unheeded, her rage an unreal construction within such a small body. Al Bhed invectives filled the room until she was hoarse, and then she sank to her knees. Her face was streaming with tears that she couldn't remember.

"_Tysh oui, pedlr_," she gasped. She usually cursed in Al Bhed out of habit.

"Language, Miss Al Bhed," said a hollow voice.

Rikku looked up. A fayth stood before her, its dark childlike form translucent. Rikku rose suddenly, raising the Godhand.

"That's a hell of a punch," said the fayth, "but I guarantee I can't be felled like Yunalesca. She had ties to this earth. I do not. Now what's with all the histrionics?"

"You're a fayth?" Rikku cocked her head.

"Hmm. Not like the others you've met, huh?" The fayth winked.

"To say the least," said Rikku.

"I'm different in many aspects. It was I who told Yunalesca how to defeat Sin the first time. She needed a solution, and I provided it." The specter paused thoughtfully. "Regardless of the consequences."

"But that's what started all the misunderstandings about Sin, and the killings went on and on! Innocent summoners and guardians had to die!" Rikku tightened her grip on the Godhand, raising her other hand to gather magical energy for a good dose of black magic. The unwitting fayth had given her a target. Perhaps physical hits wouldn't damage it, but would the fayth be counting on her not to know magic?

"Yunalesca did that," said the fayth. "She perpetuated the facade of hope. Her presence dominated the temple, and I was unable to speak to the pilgrims who came here."

Rikku clenched her left fist down on the magical energy, dissipating the spell with a colored 'poof' and slight sting in her palm. She lowered the Godhand. "So Yuna could learn a summon from you?"

The fayth chuckled. "Perhaps you could not understand our choices, Miss Al Bhed, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. There is no summoning that can defeat Sin, for Sin is born within from Yu Yevon."

"I know that much," said Rikku, a little ticked at the fayth's estimation of her intelligence.

"Ah, but I alone among my people discovered this, and therefore I spent my powers not on creating a summoning, but on absorbing knowledge from the farplane. I took many deaths into myself, deaths sometimes of friends and innocents. I have no power to cause death, but in feeding on it, I began to learn. I became the Fayth of Knowledge - or at least, that is the best explanation I can give you using language. Much of what I know was primarily felt, not spoken. I knew that in myself the best I could do was advise those who came to me. In the course of learning, I also gained extraordinary powers over the Farplane and the Dream of the Fayth. These things I understand in ways mortals cannot."

Her mind reeled. "So... you're like a library of all Spira's knowledge?"

"In the simplest terms, yes - all of Spira's knowledge I was able to gain. There are some secrets Yu Yevon may still hold deep within Sin. There I cannot reach." The fayth suddenly rose up, seeming much larger than it had been a minute ago. "I am also a sorcerer of nonphysical forces, those you mortals may not even reach through lifetimes of study."

"Is it all so hopeless? Is there no way to defeat Sin, except through the final summoning?"

"Yunalesca asked a much different question, Miss Al Bhed," the fayth said with a grim grin. "Her quandary was more specialized. She wanted a way to defeat Sin without discrediting Yu Yevon. She never would have gone after the core of the problem. All those years she abided here and protected her father's name - feeding the lies."

She clenched her teeth. "That _camvecr p_..."

"Language?" it reminded her.

"Person!" she spat, switching back from Al Bhed.

"Good girl."

She flushed, feeling patronized.

"Now, Miss Al Bhed, you have before you the Fayth of Knowledge. Anything you want to know, any impossible desire - I can provide you with solutions you cannot dream of." It bowed to her. "I am at your disposal."

"How do we defeat Yu Yevon?"

"Good question. You are guardian to the summoner Yuna?"

She nodded.

"You will have to break through Sin's shell. Once you are inside, protect your summoner. You will fight many strong enemies. Your will have to fight your aeons as well. Then Yu Yevon. That is all."

"Our aeons?" Rikku felt weak at the prospect of fighting Anima.

"Do not despair. In your journeys, you have become immensely strong, young Al Bhed."

"Have I?" She thought back on the last few weeks. Recently the fiends she encountered did not even amount to a distraction from her thoughts, and none put up enough of a fight to vent her rage. Only the monsters at the arena helped with that, and she'd already ripped them all four ways to next week.

"So we could defeat Sin now!" She jumped up, grinning, then paused. "But how would I convince them of that?"

"Demonstrate your power for them. Better yet, bring down Sin's outer shell yourself - if you have a way to get close enough, that is. You strike me as the type who wouldn't be above a bit of showing off."

She nodded solemnly.

"Something else, Miss Al Bhed?"

She hesitated.

"What problems could a powerful girl like you have?"

"I... I can't bring back my friend, even if we defeated Yu Yevon." She turned to the fayth. "He... he's a guardian. Yuna's guardian, and once Braska's. He died here, ten years ago. He was as angry at losing his friends to the final summoning as... as I am about losing him. He came here, probably screaming like I was a few minutes ago, and Yunalesca killed him. Now he's an unsent." She lowered her eyes, mortified that she'd revealed her friend's secret, ashamed that even with her power she was helpless to change the past.

"Ahh..."

She looked up at the pensive fayth.

"Now that... to change the past, something everyone wants..." The fayth rose from the floor, seeming to become more solid and transparent by turns. "After all these centuries... a real challenge." It looked down at her. When it spoke, its voice grew louder and filled the room. It even echoed off Rikku's bones, making her shiver. "Now, do you really want this? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO CHANGE THE PAST?"

The power it had proved she held was suddenly nothing, and her stomach fell. She could feel crackling in the air, her hair crawling.

"Y-yes," Rikku gasped hoarsely. "I'd do anything to bring him back. He didn't deserve to die. He was just... just... like me."

"YOU ARE FULL OF ANGER," the fayth boomed, "BUT YOUR ANGER CANNOT SAVE HIM. ANGER IS WHAT KILLED HIM."

"I-I u-u-understand," she stammered. She cleared her throat. "I'll do everything I can. I just need the chance."

"THEN LET US BEGIN. YOU MUST FIRST DRINK A POTION MIXED FROM INGREDIENTS IN YOUR SACK. YOU WILL NEED DREAM POWDER TO MAKE YOU SLEEP, A LUNAR CURTAIN TO PROTECT YOU WHERE I WILL SEND YOU, TEN GOLD HOURGLASSES TO SLOW YOU BEYOND THE THRESHOLD, AND A FARPLANE WIND."

"A Farplane Wind?" She looked up from her pack, eyes wide. "It'll kill me!"

"YOU NEED A FARPLANE WIND. DO NOT MOCK MY KNOWLEDGE." The fayth gazed down at her with dark eyes. "I WILL NOT SACRIFICE YOU FOR YOUR FRIEND. YOU ARE FAR MORE VALUABLE; __YOU__ CAN DEFEAT YU YEVON."

Rikku gathered the ingredients before her and looked up nervously.

"MIX ALSO A SECOND POTION: A PHOENIX DOWN, A REMEDY, AND HEALING WATER. THIS WILL BE SET ASIDE, TO BE GIVEN TO YOU ONCE YOUR TASK IS FINISHED."

"Wh-what will happen to me?" she stammered.

"DO NOT HESITATE. MIX YOUR INGREDIENTS, MISS AL BHED. EXPERIENCE WILL EXPLAIN FAR BETTER THAN I COULD."

_If it wanted to kill me, it already would have,_ she thought, hoping that the cliche reasoning was true as well as trite. She mixed the potions separately, washing out her small mortar between the first and second crushings. She felt energy draining from her into the potions and became a little alarmed, but when she finished it also stopped. She straightened and tried to stand, but found her legs too weak. The fumes of the first potion were fogging her brain, giving everything a pinkish tint.

"CAP OFF THE SECOND POTION," directed the fayth.

She did as she was told, setting it aside and giving it a long look. Her life was held in that bottle - who would give it to her?

"NOW, YOUNG AL BHED, DRINK."

She looked down at the bottle in her violently trembling hands. Her heart was racing and skipping erratically. She lifted the bottle to her lips, closed her eyes, and threw her head back. The thick stuff poured down her throat, tasting first cold and acidic and then burning down into her abdomen. Her eyes flew open wide. She heard a shatter, tried to open her mouth, and fell backwards. Her heart almost stopped when the floor did not catch her. She was still falling. All light had gone from her vision.

She faintly heard the fayth's voice echo, but could not hear its words. It sounded distorted, underwater. After a moment she realized it was she who was underwater, her eyes closed, sinking slowly. She opened her eyes. Faint light filtered from a direction she guessed to be up. She swam towards it, kicking with strong legs. She broke the surface with a suddenness that startled her. The light had not brightened. She was looking up at a dark night sky, glowing with stars. The air also glowed, but with pyreflies. Treading water, she turned around. Her eyes caught a glimpse of shore.

Once she'd swum to it and stood on dry land once more, she realized she was standing by the north bank of the Moonflow. She frowned, looking all about herself. What had the fayth done to her? She paced her mind back through what it told her of the potion. It should have killed her, or at least put her to sleep. What had it meant by 'slow you beyond the threshold'?

"I said I was sorry!" snapped a terse voice behind her, and she whirled. It was coming through the trees. She crept towards it, gripping the Godhand to her chest. As she drew close to their source, she could hear the voices more clearly.

"That's it. Only thing I drink from now on is shoopuf milk!" said the first voice, gravelly and dark.

"You're sure?" said a second voice.

"We're on a journey to fight Sin and save Spira, right?" said the first voice; Rikku crept closer. "If I keep screwin' up... and..."

She could see through the trees now; she couldn't see the first speaker, but she saw the outlines of the two men watching him in the moonlight.

"...Making a fool of myself..." continued the first voice, filled with remorse, "my wife and kid are never gonna forgive me."

One of the two men nodded. "That's on the record."

Rikku gasped, because in that flash of moonlight she saw a young yet familiar face. Someone she couldn't see plunged a hand into the foliage and grabbed her by the arm. She didn't react in time to save herself from being yanked into the light and exposed, but made up for it by seizing the arm holding hers and flinging its owner hard on the sands of the Moonflow. She stared down at him, eyes hard, then backed up a step as she recognized the face across time.

The man's chest was bare, a huge intricate tattoo traced across it. He coughed, sitting up, and looked up at the young girl who'd thrown him. He chuckled hoarsely.

"Damn, she packs a wallop!" he gasped.

Rikku glanced from Jecht to Lord Summoner Braska and his other guardian, reddening. "I... I... I'm sorry... Lord Summoner. I'm sorry, Sir Jecht."

"Hey, she knows who I am, too!" Jecht flashed her a grin. "Followed us, did you?"

"I... no! I heard you talking, and I wasn't sure who you were. I didn't mean to intrude," she insisted.

"You sure you weren't spying on us?" said a voice at her elbow. "The Al Bhed aren't very supportive of what we're doing."

She turned and saw Auron towering over her. She felt a little afraid, then remembered what the fayth had said about her strength. She straightened up.

"No, Sir Auron, I was not. A girl can't be too careful around here, Al Bhed or no," she said. "What's the harm in checking to make sure three unknown male voices aren't thieves - or worse, out crusading for Al Bhed blood?"

"She has a point, Auron," said Jecht, walking over to give her a hearty slap on the back. She whirled and he backed up a step, but instead of attacking she smacked him on the butt. She grinned.

Jecht yelled with laughter. "I think we're more in danger from you, little girl."

She couldn't suppress a childish snort, and put her hands on her hips. "'Little girl,' huh? You wanna back up that condescending remark with your fists?"

Jecht held up his hands, shaking with mirth. "Hey, no way. You're more than a match for me, miss."

Rikku heard Auron draw breath and whirled on him, bringing her left hand up. "Don't even start with me, monk-man. I respect your pilgrimage. I think you're doing this for the good of Spira. That's what I'm interested in too. Can't we just be friends?"

"I think so," said Lord Braska.

Rikku grinned, and made the sign of prayer to him, bowing over her cupped hands. Auron and Jecht gasped.

"I thought the Al Bhed did not respect the teachings of Yevon," Braska said in soft surprise.

She rose. "I respect the good people have done in the name of Yevon. I just don't always agree with the teachings."

"What is your name?" said Braska.

"Rikku," she said with a grin.

"It is good to meet someone who is not blinded by prejudice," said Braska. "I wish more of my people and yours were so understanding."

"Yeah, me too," she said, thinking of Wakka and her brother.

"So, where you headed?" said Jecht.

Rikku thought quickly. "Er... Macalania, to begin with."

"'To begin with'?" said Jecht.

"Yeah. I'm kind of a traveler at the moment," said Rikku.

"Alone?" said Auron.

"Yes," she said, steeling herself under his scrutiny again. He didn't say anything deprecating this time, though, merely looked at her with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"We, too, are headed for Macalania," said Braska. "Perhaps we could travel together, for mutual protection."

She cocked her head at Braska. She was really beginning to like him. She could see shades of Yuna in him. She giggled at her own thoughts, then nodded. "That's a great idea, Lord Summoner." _And I've got a few surprises in store for the three of you,_ she thought.


	2. Braska's Youngest Guardian

                Rikku lay awake most of the night, thinking about where she was and what her 'plan' should be. She knew she had to find out more about Auron in order to reach him at the crucial moment to save his life. To do that, she'd have to overcome the inexplicable defensiveness that welled up in her whenever she saw him.

                *_So why am I getting so riled by everything he says?*_ she thought. *_Maybe it's because he's not taking me seriously. He thinks I'm some baby heathen, when I'm here to save the _pycdynt_.*_

                She closed her eyes, willing her hands to unclench. *_Chill, Rikki. He doesn't know that. He's just as hotheaded as you, remember. Put yourself in his place. He's as protective of Braska as you are of Yunie. You're a virtual stranger to him, and of a race who are typically degrading of his beliefs, if not openly hostile. He can't trust you, and once he sees your power*_ -- her heart swelled with pride, but she quickly tamed it with the sobering end to the thought -- *_he'll be even more nervous about you._

                *_How do I gain his trust?*_

                She rolled over on her side, looking out at the swirling glow from the Moonflow, but saw no answers. She sighed and again wished for the guidance of the Fayth of Knowledge.

                *_What would he say?*_ she played with her mind. *_"MISS AL BHED," he'd say, "I'VE GIVEN YOU THE OPPORTUNITY. YOU'RE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DEFEAT SIN, AND YOU QUAIL AT THE THOUGHT OF MAKING FRIENDS WITH A MAN BARELY OLDER THAN YOU? HE'S GOT YOUR STRENGTH OF BELIEF, BUT NOT YOUR STRENGTH OF BODY TO BACK IT UP."*_

                She paused in her ruminations. *_'Quail?' I didn't even know I knew that word.*_

                She giggled softly to herself, her thoughts drifting as sleep claimed her.

                In the morning, Rikku felt a little more oriented, if not acclimatized, to the past. She paused to wonder exactly how the fayth had sent her back, but shook it away as irrelevant. After all, he'd said experience would explain.

                They boarded the dawn shoopuf. Jecht did his best to ignore the driver's sharp, nervous looks. Rikku giggled softly, then quickly donned an innocent expression as his eyes snapped to her.

                "Shoopuf launchin'!" cried the driver, and they were off.

                "So, Miss Rikku," said Braska, "do you happen to know a man among your people named Cid?"

                "Well, of course!" laughed Rikku. "He's my..." She stopped and scolded herself mentally for that near-breach. After all, she was only seven in this time. "He's my cousin," she finished lamely. "I understand you married my other cousin, Aun... er, Laune."

                "Yes," he said with a sigh. "Did you know her?"

                "A little," she said. "I know cousin Cid better."

                "He's a good man," he said. "I don't think he'll ever forgive me for stealing his sister away, though."

                "He will. I'm sure of it. Just give him time." She closed her eyes at a pang in her chest. *_Time you don't have, Lord Summoner.*_ "Although you may be... gone, because of the final summoning, he will set your spirit to rest with his forgiveness."

                He looked startled and then pleased. He reached out to her, and she gave him her hand. "You are very kind, Miss Rikku. You remind me of your cousin... in many ways."

                "Thank you... but please, call me Rikku. We're family, you know."

                "Thank you... Rikku."

                She became aware of Auron's scrutiny and saw his frown out of the corner of her eye. She suppressed a desire to snap, 'what?!' at him and leaned back. She glanced out at the Moonflow again to try to calm herself.

                "You should meet my daughter someday, Rikku," said Braska. "She's much younger than you, of course, but I think you would make a good role model."

                She glanced over in surprise and saw the soulful look in the Lord Summoner's eyes.

                "I don't want her to grow up with prejudice. She should know where she comes from, understand that love can overcome hate."

                "Lord Summoner..." she stammered. She cleared her throat. "I'm honored. I hope someday to meet your daughter. I bet she'll grow up to be just as kind as you." Her heart grew tight. Here was the kindest man she'd ever met, and he was on a journey to sacrifice himself for his people -- Yevonites, Al Bhed, and all.

                "She's right," said Auron. "I don't see how Yuna could grow up with hate in her heart. You and Laune shared a rare kindness."

                Now she was astonished by Auron. She supposed that maybe he had softened to her through the revelation that she was of Laune's family. He must have seen the love Braska and Laune shared, respected it even if he'd never found it in his own life.

                *_How lonely his ghost must be... a lifetime without the kind of love his two best friends enjoyed.*_ She shook this thought from her mind. *_No. There will be no ghost. He will have every opportunity life has to offer him.*_

                When they reached the south bank and dismounted, Rikku realized that they were fast approaching the Thunder Plains. She sighed. *_I didn't think I'd ever have to cross them again.*_

                "Something wrong?" said Jecht, his voice startling her out of her reverie. She whirled to face him, Godhand automatically coming up, then lowered it with a jerk.

                "Sorry. I'm not fond of lightning," she said.

                "What do you mean?" he said.

                "The Thunder Plains," she said. "I guess you haven't heard of them yet, being from Zanarkand and all. Lightning strikes there all the time."

                "Hey, you heard I'm from Zanarkand? And you actually believe it?" said Jecht.

                "Practically anything's possible."

                "Watch out!" shouted Auron, and Rikku turned to see fiends almost upon them. Impulsively, she raised her left hand, gathering the power of thunder to her. Her eyes picked out the most powerful foe at the fore, a pale blue dragon. *_Now I am the master of my fears_,* she thought as she gestured at it, unleashing the power of Thundaga.

                The summoner and his guardians jumped at the explosion of electricity before them. Pyreflies swirled up from where the fiend had been. Rikku was already charging for the wolf. Her Godhand plunged into it, lifting it aside like no more than a leaf. Auron swung at the blue element, missing it entirely. She pivoted, fragmenting it with another quick hit.

                Silence unrolled over them.

                "You're fast," said Jecht, putting his sword away.

                She laughed. "Thanks."

                "I thought you said you didn't like lightning," he added.

                "I don't," she said. "That's why I made a point of learning all the thunder spells. I want to know everything about the things I'm afraid of."

                "Bravo," laughed Braska. "You really are talented, Rikku. I've never seen anyone with such speed and power -- young, Al Bhed, or otherwise."

                "Yes," Auron said with grudging respect.

                She pocketed their spoils and walked over to give him a hearty slap on the back. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She led the way, whistling.

                None of the other three were quite fast enough or strong enough to keep up with her. After the enemies of the Monster Arena, the fiends along the road to Guadosalam were child's play. She gave the black magic a rest, using quick hits to dispatch their enemies before they had a chance to fight back.

                "You really are impressive," Jecht said, always free with praise of a pretty girl.

                "Thanks, ancient one," she said.

                "Ooh, ouch!" He held up a hand against the mock blow.

                She batted her eyes at him. "You scamp."

                "I'm ancient __and__ a scamp?" he laughed.

                They teased back and forth all morning, often while she had one hand sticking through a fiend. Even Auron and Braska seemed to relax when they saw they had nothing to worry about behind her. The two of them dropped back a little and seemed to be speaking quietly for a while until they reached Guadosalam.

                A Guado greeted them, his stony eyes picking past them at Lord Braska.

                "You... are a summoner?" he said.

                "Yes." Braska made the sign of the prayer to the Guado, who did not respond.

                "What business have you in Guadosalam?" said the Guado.

                "Just passing through," said Braska. "We're headed for Macalania, through the Thunder Plains."

                "Do not linger," said the guard, standing aside. His sharp gaze fixed to each of them as they passed.

                *_Things are really bad here_,* thought Rikku. *_Lord Jyscal must be creating quite a stink among his people. They don't want any outsiders.*_

                They walked quickly, ignoring the curious or hostile stares they received, and soon were making their way to the Thunder Plains. At last, free of scrutiny, they spoke again.

                "Friendly bunch, huh?" scoffed Jecht.

                "The conflict among the Guado seems to be worsening," said Braska. "I hope the defeat of Sin will ease their troubles."

                *_It will_,* she thought.

                "Lord Jyscal has high hopes for the effect of the Calm on his people," said Auron.

                Jecht leaned over to Rikku. "What are they talking about?"

                "Lord Jyscal is trying to introduce the Guado to the teachings of Yevon," she said. "There's much resistance to the teachings and Jyscal personally. They don't like that he married a human and had a child with her. He had to banish them to Baaj Island for their own safety."

                "Nice guy." His sarcasm flared again. "If it'd been me, I would've gone with them. I'd never have abandoned my family if I had had a choice." His voice grew tight with anger.

                *_Jeez, Braska's the only calm one of the bunch.*_ She laid a hand on his arm. "I know. It's not your fault. Someday you'll be able to tell him that." He glanced sharply at her and she added, "Your son."

                He softened. "My son. Have I told you about him?"

                "I know you love him, you old softie." She punched him in the arm. "Even if you'd sooner cry than admit it. But those spheres you're recording -- I know they're for him, if he ever finds his way here. If you could bring yourself just once to admit it to him, it would give him the world."

                He didn't reply, lost in thought.

                She made her voice even softer "Think how proud he'd be of you, his father, if you found the strength to tell him you love him."

                "He'd probably cry," he rumbled.

                She touched him gently. "Maybe he'd love you back." Since he didn't seem to be responsive anymore, she let him be.

                A crack of thunder made all the muscles around her spine tense, but she didn't flinch. They'd reached the Thunder Plains. She steeled herself with a shaky inward sigh.

                "Are you all right?" said Braska, touching her shoulder.

                She looked up at him, saw his gaze, and smiled. "Yeah. ...You know, Yuna's lucky to have a dad like you." She hugged him spontaneously, finding the strength to proceed.

                "Hey, how about another sphere?" Jecht called to Auron.

                Auron dug into a pocket. Rikku leaned up against the tower they stood under, watching as he drew out the sphere recorder and held it up. He flicked it on, pointing it at Braska and Jecht. The sky roiled uncertainly behind them. Auron pulled the recorder from his eye.

                "Hey!" said Jecht. "Hold it steady!"

                "Why am I doing this?" Auron sighed.

                "Come on, Auron. It's for our kids," said Jecht. Braska moved away, looking off into the distance.

                "All right, all right." Auron lifted it again, turning it on Braska. After a moment Auron asked, "What do you see there, my lord?"

                "Oh..." murmured Braska, "I was just thinking."

                "This is important! No foolin' around!" complained Jecht. "You're gonna spoil it!"

                The whole world flashed white, and Rikku jumped.

                "Whoa!" shrieked Jecht, sitting on the ground, supported by his hands. Smoke was rising, either from him or the ground under him. Auron moved towards him, recorder in hand.

                Braska stepped up to Jecht's side. "Are you all right?"

                Auron, grinning, said, "Now there's a moment for posterity."

                Jecht rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

                Braska broke down laughing while his guardians watched in amazement. Auron flipped off the recorder.

                "You don't have to rub it in," Jecht said, getting to his feet.

                "I... I'm sorry, my friend." Braska managed to get his mirth under control, but saw Jecht was smiling.

                "Jecht, there's a travel agency up ahead," Rikku said softly, drawing all three men's attention to her. "We can rest there."

                "Thanks," said Jecht. "At least somebody here appreciates what I have to go through." He gave Braska and Auron equal glares, and the two dissolved in childlike giggles when Jecht turned to go. Rikku trotted up to him, took his arm, and turned to stick her tongue out at Braska and Auron before escorting Jecht to the travel agency.

                They rested there for the night, and Rikku thought over her plan again. Once they reached Macalania, they'd be sure to try to ditch her. After all -- one summoner, two guardians, Al Bhed need not apply.

                Obviously she'd have to indicate she was going wherever they were going next, and attempt to inveigle herself into their group once more. But she didn't know where their pilgrimage went from there. She cursed herself for not studying the spheres they'd left more closely. It would look mind-numbingly suspicious if she were to find out where they were going and announce that, by golly, that just happened to be her next destination.

                She closed her eyes, trying to conjure up the Fayth of Knowledge in her mind again. She was interrupted by a knock at her door. She sat up, startled. "Yes?"

                "Rikku? It's Braska," the summoner's soft voice came from the other side of the door.

                "Oh, Lord Braska -- come in." She shoved the covers aside and rose, going to the door as it opened and he stepped inside.

                "Did I wake you?" he said, hesitant.

                "No, I was just up thinking. Please come in." She backed up, allowing him in. They took seats at the small table in her room.

                "I wanted to ask you where you were headed, after Macalania," he said.

                Her heart thumped. *_Oops -- caught.*_ "Um... I... I don't really know. I... I don't... I'm not sure what my plans will be then."

                "You're a very gifted woman, Rikku," he said. "I've been continually astonished by your skills. You seem not to have a very clear idea of what you want to do with your life right now. Is this true?"

                She hung her head. "Actually... I guess I haven't really been open with you, and you deserve to know. I had planned to sort of... follow you. On your pilgrimage, I mean. You know, try to protect you." She looked up and the words came pouring out, trying to cover up the raw admission of the previous ones. "'Cause I'm pretty strong, you said so yourself, and I could protect you from anything you come across -- maybe even Sin. You're Spira's greatest hope, Lord Braska, and if only I could help you then maybe... maybe things would be..." her eyes dropped again, and she finished, despairing, "...better."

                He laughed softly. Her head snapped up, certain he was mocking her with that twinkle in his eye, but what he said next surprised her.

                "Why Rikku, how ironic," he said. "I came here to ask you to do me the honor of becoming one of my guardians."

                "Really?" she gasped. "But... but... tradition dictates that the summoner has only two guardians..."

                "I defied tradition when I married my love. If I feel strongly about something, I don't worry about tradition."

                She blushed. "Why Lord Braska, you're practically Al Bhed."

                He grinned mischeviously. "I know. Suppose everyone would be scandalized if I took a third guardian?"

                "And a young Al Bhed girl to boot? I should say so! They'd all think you'd gone mad. Auron would have a fit!" She laughed.

                He raised an eyebrow. "You think so? He thought it was a good idea when I mentioned it to him earlier."

                She sobered. "What, really? He didn't object?"

                Braska leaned forward conspiratorially. "I think it may have something to do with that water flan you dragged off him."

                She rolled her eyes. "Ehh, gratitude. I'd rather have respect from him."

                "Is it so important? You've got mine, and certainly Jecht's." His gaze was kind, but very close on her.

                "Well, you know, since I'm gonna be your guardian, I should get along with the others."

                "You will. Auron and Jecht are closer now than when we started."

                "Neither of them will admit it, of course." She swallowed against the lump in her throat, hoping that she'd earn Auron's trust and respect by the time she needed it.

                "You're too powerful an ally to pass up. I'm sure Auron sees that." Braska rose. "It's late, and I don't want to keep you from well-earned rest. You will join us, then?"

                "Sure." She rose and made the sign of the prayer to him. "It'd be my honor, Lord Summoner. Thank you."

                He returned the sign with a bright smile. "Goodnight, Guardian Rikku."

                "Goodnight."

                When the door had closed behind him, she threw herself on her bed with a muffled yip of joy. Lord Summoner Braska, Yuna's father, had chosen her to be a guardian!

                She was almost asleep when a thought stalled her relaxation. How would this affect the future? If tales of Braska's third young Al Bhed guardian circulated -- and surely they would, if only because of the unusual nature of the gossip -- would record exist ten years later of her? Would her friends find out, and ask questions? What if she appeared in any of the spheres that were being recorded? There'd be no denying that kind of evidence -- though, privately, she thought it would be really cool. She fantasized about the looks on her friends' faces as they realized she'd somehow gone back ten years.

                Her smile faded as she imagined the scolding, condescension, and recriminations that would follow. They'd think she was foolish and cocky, or maybe even stupid for trying to do such a thing. After all, shouldn't she try to defeat Sin while she was here, and prevent Braska's and Jecht's sacrifices as well?

                Her mind reeled. How could she go about doing such a thing? How on Spira would she convince Braska and Jecht not to go through with the final summoning? She squeezed her eyes shut.

                *_Fayth of Knowledge, help me!*_

                No reassuring visage appeared in her mind's eye, and she fell asleep in turmoil.

                In the morning, Rikku was nearly spotted by a younger Rin. She ducked and shuffled herself in with her group as they walked out. She prayed he hadn't seen her. He just might recognize her face -- or worse, ask her who she was and bring her under scrutiny she didn't want. She was still torn inside over how and how much to alter the past.

                As they stretched outside, in an outcropping of rock safe from the lightning, Braska cleared his throat. Auron and Jecht turned to their master -- anything he said seemed to take subtle precedence to them.

                *_Just like with Yunie_,* she thought.

                "Last night I asked Rikku to join us on our pilgrimage, to become a guardian," said Braska. "She has gracious accepted my offer."

                "What, really?" Jecht punched at the sky. "All __riiight__. Sin doesn't stand a chance now."

                Auron gave Rikku a look she couldn't read, and she raised a challenging eyebrow at him. *_You already told him I could_,* she thought childishly. *_So there.*_

                He nodded solemnly, as if he'd heard her thoughts. The next moment Jecht clapped her on the back, and she responded with a swift smack on his rear. It was becoming almost habit now. He laughed.

                She grinned. For the moment, her troubles were gone. All she had to worry about was keeping Braska, Jecht, and Auron safe and lightning-free.

                *_I can handle that_,* she thought.


	3. 'Funky Dreams'

                Macalania Temple's solemn, icy facade sparkled with a thousand cold rainbows. Rikku sniffed lightly, eyeing it.

                "It's beautiful," said Jecht.

                "Aahh," Rikku scoffed. "Come on, let's get Shiva! Up for it, Lord Summoner?"

                "Shiva?" Braska raised an eyebrow.

                "Yeah, blue chick, mistress of ice? You know, the aeon they have here? Uhh..." She bit on her tongue, flushing under the stares of her companions. "I guess I know a bit more than I should, huh? Can you blame me for reading up on my history? I wanted to know everything I could about Yevon and the temples."

                "I suppose you know the name of the final aeon, too," said Jecht.

                She spun around, eyes wide, speech arrested in her throat. For a moment, Jecht looked pretty forbidding. Her mind flashed with a picture of Sin and she shivered. Then Jecht smiled.

                "Come on," said Auron impatiently, gesturing to where Braska was disappearing in the doors of the temple.

                As the two stragglers made their way up the steps, Jecht leaned down to murmur in Rikku's ear. "If he weren't such a hardass, I'd recommend you take ol' Auron down a notch. Too ascetic for his own good, you know. I imagine you could loosen him up."

                "I don't want to mess with him," she said. "He's got a lot of anger under there."

                "Hmm, probably. Everything repressed."

                "You're one to talk." She stopped at the door and turned to him, putting her hands on her hips. "Are you gonna tell Tidus you love him, or do I have to?"

                Jecht raised an eyebrow. "Now there's an idea... Say, maybe in ten years you could, well... I'm sure he'll grow up handsome, like me."

                She laughed. "And I'm sure he'll find someone to love all on his own -- but I'm flattered, Sir Jecht. I hope someday I get to meet your son, as well as Lord Braska's daughter." She turned and pushed open the doors.

                "If I have anything to say about it, you will," he said, mostly to himself.

                She listened happily to the Hymn of the Fayth as they entered the Cloister of Trials. She was back on the pilgrimage, doing good in the world. If she had to accompany summoners all across time, she'd die happy.

                Then she remembered, mortified, that not every summoner would come out of the pilgrimage alive like Yuna. Rikku glanced back at Auron, apprehensively making sure he was still young and alive. *_He's the one I came to save. If I do an especially good job, maybe I can save them all.*_

                Auron gave her a quizzical frown, and she realized she'd been staring. She turned back to face the wall that Braska had stopped in front of, studying the sphere. She looked around the room, studying the lines and glyphs and recesses. *_I wonder how long this'll take... Must repress urge to use future knowledge to breeze through here. I can afford to be patient, right? After all, what's the hurry? I have to figure out a way to save Auron, and maybe Jecht and Braska too.*_

                She sighed. *_Unfortunately patience isn't one of my strong points.*_

                "Any ideas?" said Braska.

                *_Yes!*_ she cried in her mind, but stayed quiet while the other three examined the puzzles of the room.

                Braska turned to her. "Rikku, any thoughts?"

                She dragged her mind back to the present. "Erm, well..." She grabbed the sphere and trotted over to the wall Auron was examining, shoved it in the recess, and the path opened. She turned to him and shrugged. "Maybe."

                "Thank you," said Auron.

                She grinned, pleased. He said nothing more, preceding them into the room, but it was a step.

                The trials didn't take long, mostly because Braska kept asking Rikku's opinion. She never volunteered her knowledge, but didn't keep it to herself when asked. At last Braska went into the Chamber of the Fayth, and the three of them settled in to wait.

                "Let's play a game," she said suddenly.

                "A __game__?" said Auron, disapproval appearing darkly on his face. "In a temple?"

                Jecht straightened. "Sure! Yevon hasn't outlawed fun, has he? What've you got in mind, Rikku?"

                "Hide and seek seems appropriate," she said.

                Auron rolled his eyes. "This is so childish."

                "You think so?" she said. "Then you're 'it'! And don't even think about not playing, or you'll be left to explain to Lord Braska why two of his guardians are missing!"

                "You must be kidding," said Auron.

                "Now close your eyes, and count to twenty!" said Jecht, winking at Rikku.

                With a long-suffering sigh, Auron folded his arms, closed his eyes, and leaned back against the pillar. "One... two..."

                Jecht gave her a thumbs-up and vanished into the cloister. She ran off down the halls, zigzagging and finally finding a dark corner to hide in. She pressed herself into the shadow and leaned back, closing her eyes. Her heart slowed, she calmed, and her mind began to drift.

                *_We'll have to get the rest of the aeons_,* she thought, *_because I don't know we won't need them. At the very least we should have them to fight each other inside Sin. But when do I bring up the idea of attacking Sin without the final summoning? Do I wait until we get to the temple in Zanarkand? Yunalesca would surely attack us if I brought it up there, and I'm not sure I could take her on my own. But if I bring it up beforehand, it'll seem really suspicious that I know about the final summoning. After all, even the summoners don't know about it until they get there._

                *_No, I'll have to wait until we get to the temple. But what if I can't stop them? What if Yunalesca kills us all? What would become of Spira?*_ She opened her eyes, unfocused on the far wall. She could faintly hear the Hymn of the Fayth. *_Could it be that the things I'm planning now could hurt more people than they save? All right, think, Rikki! I know that Auron came back after Braska defeated Sin and died needlessly. If I change that, nothing else will change. Auron will be alive, that's all._

                *_But what if I tell Braska and Jecht we can fight Sin without the final aeon and wind up getting us all killed? Sin might destroy more of Spira before another summoner could come along and use the final summoning to defeat it. Oh! Yuna could be killed! What if it goes after Biknael Island and kills my family? And me? But then I wouldn't have lived to come back in time and... oh, this is getting too complicated... my head hurts...*_

                "Aha! Gotcha!"

                The voice startled Rikku; she jumped, her hand tensing on the Godhand -- but it was only Auron. Having discovered her hiding place, he looked awfully smug.

                *_'Gotcha?'*_ She grinned. "I didn't even hear you coming, you sneak. I didn't know someone as huge as you could be so quiet."

                "And I didn't know someone as small as you could hide so badly," he said. "I saw you from all the way down the hall."

                "Hey!" She smacked him on the shoulder.

                He winced. "Please don't hit me."

                "Ooh, sorry." She rolled her eyes. "A small thing like me shouldn't be able to hurt someone so big and strong."

                "You're too cocky for a guardian," he said, an edge in his voice.

                "Voting me off the team?" She resisted the urge to poke him. "Forgotten what I can do with this?" She lifted her left hand.

                He frowned, his brows tightening in incomprehension.

                "My spellcasting hand," she supplied. "Admittedly, you haven't seen it in action often -- but I should point out that I can double-cast Flare in the time it takes you to draw your sword."

                He growled, startling her. "You'd better watch it, Miss Rikku."

                "Ooh, someone besides me has feelings, huh?" she snapped. "I'm tired of you thinking of me as a child. I've grown up a lot, you know. I don't scream at thunder, I found my celestial weapon and unlocked its power on my own, and I could kick your ass in a fight!"

                "You want to bet?" he snarled, eyes flashing.

                "Hell yes! I only hope I've got enough phoenix downs to keep you alive until you say..." She stopped, her eyes widening, and backed up. "Oh... oh damn, I'm so sorry."

                His face went from angry to confused, the furrows on it rearranging. "What?"

                "I didn't mean..." She shook her head. "Never mind. Forget it. Forget I said anything." She tried to push past him; his hand shot out to the wall faster than she would have thought possible, blocking her way. She looked up at him.

                "You were picking a fight with me, and all of a sudden you backed off," he said. "I'd like to know why."

                She shook her head. "Just... just drop it, okay? We're both here to protect Braska, not to get under each other's skin. I'm sorry for what I said. Now leave me alone."

                "No," he said, steel in his voice.

                "What?" She felt anger flare up again. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

                "We need to settle this, not pretend it isn't there. I'd like to know what your problem with me is."

                She threw up her hands. "You treat me like I'm still the scared little girl who cowered every time lightning struck! You don't think I can handle anything!"

                "When did I ever say that?"

                "When we were..." She choked off an inadvertent reference to the future Auron and bowed her head. "N-never. You're right. I'm sorry. I just... it seems like you don't respect me."

                "Yes, because you started off being pissed at me and it's gotten worse from there."

                She glared up at him. "You're no better. In fact, you're just like me."

                He ground his teeth, air hissing through him. "I admit you bring out the worst in me, Miss Rikku. But you're young..."

                "And you're old!" she snapped. "You think I'm going to grow out of it, huh? What about you? When will you grow out of it?"

                "You're so infuriating! No wonder you were traveling alone!"

                She recoiled. "What?"

                He pulled his hand back, his face full of shock at his own words.

                "You..." Her voice filled up with hurt and anger, so much she couldn't speak. She dashed past him, unwilling to be anywhere near him.

                "Rikku! Wait! I... I'm sorry!" he called.

                She ran back through the Cloister of Trials, her heart in her throat. She needed something to kill, and fast. She was almost at the doors into the main temple when she stopped, leaned against the wall.

                *_No. A guardian never deserts his summoner. Auron said it best, Rikki: 'Guard your emotions, then guard your summoner.'*_

                She closed her eyes and took a few minutes to compose herself, then went looking for Jecht. She found him trying to may himself small behind a pedestal. She grinned.

                "Hey, old man, it's not going to work on me," she said, tapping him on the shoulder.

                He turned, rising, and grinned irrepressibly. "Looks like Auron found you first, not me."

                "Aah, you win." She shook her head. "Come on, let's go wait for Braska. Hide and seek's more fun with four, anyway."

                He laughed -- he seemed to do that a lot, considering he was stranded in the future, as far from his family as he could get. She wondered if she could learn the secrets of his ability to find fun in anything, and maybe learn some of Braska's calm.

                *_I suppose a lot of it comes with being a summoner -- you have to have patience and calm to pray to the fayth.*_

                When they reached the Chamber of the Fayth, Auron was already there. His apologetic eyes sought Rikku's, but she ignored him. She stood by Jecht, engaged by his explanation of blitzball to her. She realized her behavior probably seemed childish to Auron, but she had no wish to provoke him further.

                *_My plan to gain his trust is failing badly_,* she thought, dejected. *_I bet I can't even save him. How can I be so strong and yet so useless?*_

                Her thoughts shifted track. *_Was he right? I've been avoiding my friends, but they didn't seem to care. Could it be they were glad to be rid of me? ...Even Yunie?*_

                That avenue of thought hurt too much, and she shut it off before it went further. After all, it wouldn't do to suddenly burst into tears -- or worse, sink into rage and have to go outside and kill something. Which she was planning to do anyway, at the first available opportunity.

                Braska emerged before nightfall, sweating but holding his head regally high. Rikku watched him, admiring him even more. His step wobbled, but he waved off their offers of assistance. He walked out of the temple on his own two feet.

                She paused in the temple doorway and touched Jecht's elbow. "You're going to rest at the agency, right?" she murmured.

                "Yes," he said.

                "Mind if I join you there later tonight? I've got some things I'd like to think about, on my own." She paused. "Is that okay? Is that something a summoner can do?"

                "Of course," he said, patting her shoulder lightly. "You take all the time you need, just make sure you get some rest before daybreak. Lord Braska will want to be on his way as soon as he wakes."

                She nodded. "I understand. Thank you, Jecht." She squeezed his arm and turned away, allowing the doors to shut behind him. No one questioned her as she made her way back up the steps to the Cloister; the puzzle had reset but she had no trouble breezing through it on her own.

                She stopped before the Chamber of the Fayth. She made the sign of prayer to its doors, swallowing. Her breathing was shallow as she whispered, "Okay. I'd like to come in and pray now, if that's okay. I know only summoners are supposed to go in, but I wanted to learn what it's like to be calm. If it's not okay, just show me a sign, or lock the doors or something, and I promise I'll go away."

                She straightened and reached out with a trembling hand. The doors opened at her touch, and she entered the Chamber of the Fayth.

                She could see the fayth lying under the clear floor, Shiva's regal form curled up in eternal stasis. She stepped up to it, looking into the depths, and finally knelt down. She made the sign of prayer again, bending low. Her eyes closed.

                As she leaned back, she was reminded of the Fayth of Knowledge. She swallowed.

                "I wish you could help me now," she said. "I know you'd tell me that I have everything I need, but just hearing that from you would make me feel better, like it did before. I can't seem to reach him. I'm just too upset by him, and I don't even know why. He's not that mean to me unless I'm mean to him. Why is it I get along fine with Jecht and Braska, but I can't force myself to say a kind word to him?

                "How am I supposed to save him, let alone them, if I'm so hot-tempered? You said anger won't save him, anger was what killed him. Well, maybe it'll get me killed too. Then where will I be? I don't think that potion will help much if I die while I'm here.

                "I've learned so much, and I'm still so ignorant.

                "I wish I were calm like Braska, or even roguish like Jecht. He gets along with them. He likes them. Hell, he'd die for them, unless I can do something about it."

                She exhaled shakily. While her eyes were closed, she could focus on talking about it.

                "Is it really true?" she asked meekly of the silence. "Do I irritate my friends? Are they happier... without... me?" She hiccuped, trying to suppress the tears banging on her eyelids, the sobs squirming in her throat. "I don't want to be someone no one can stand to be with. I don't want to wind up alone."

                "You're not alone," whispered a voice.

                Rikku's head lifted, her eyes opening in surprise. The chamber before her was still empty. She sighed softly, then rose to her feet and made the sign of the prayer.

                "Thank you," she said to the empty room, and turned around.

                Auron was standing in the doorway.

                She gasped. "Wh... you were listening to me?"

                "Jecht told me you were going to stay in the temple and pray, and I wanted to apologize to you..." He looked down at his boots. "I'm sorry I disturbed you. If you'd hidden this well before, I wouldn't have found you so fast -- in fact, if I hadn't heard your voice, I never would have looked in here."

                She didn't say anything, her mind racing back over what she'd said. How much had he heard? What would he think, if he'd heard her talking about the anger that killed him?

                "You were talking about how you wanted to be like Braska or Jecht," he said, as if answering her thoughts. "How... how you thought being like them would make me like you."

                She struggled to swallow, her throat tight.

                He took a deep breath and looked up at her. His eyes were full of remorse. "I like you, Rikku. I don't want you to be like Jecht or Lord Braska. You remind me of me, of things I need to learn to overcome."

                She stepped back, stung again.

                He gasped. "N-no, no! I'm so sorry, Rikku! Damn it, I always say the wrong thing with you." He slapped himself in the forehead.

                "P-please," she stammered, "please, could you leave me alone?" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

                He moved forward. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You came here to think about what you wanted to change in yourself, and here I am insulting you for the way you are. I don't mean to hurt you, Rikku!"

                "Auron," she gasped out. "I need to be alone now. I really need to be alone. Please, can we talk about this later?" She turned away, unable to hold back the tears any longer. *_If he sees me cry, he'll know I'm the baby he's always suspected me to be._

_                *...This must be how Tidus feels about his father.*_

                "I'm sorry," he said, his steps audibly backing away. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

                His boots echoed away, and she fell to her knees. She hugged her arms around her, rocking back and forth, trying to keep her voice down while the tears flowed free. Somewhere in the midst of her unleashed sorrow, she lost consciousness.

                She stood in the darkness, looking around her with a calm she'd never felt before. A spark of light appeared -- a pyrefly maybe. She observed it quietly. It was several feet away, but she made no attempt to approach. After an inestimable amount of time, it shimmered.

                "Why are you here?" it spoke, the voice echoing softly in her head but not seeming to reach her ears. "You have no training."

                "I seek calm and happiness within me," she said. "If that requires training, I'd like to begin."

                It hovered, its light growing dimmer for half a moment. "Calm? Happiness?"

                "Lord Braska and Yunie are both pretty calm and happy. I thought maybe it was because of the time they spend praying," she said.

                "You know other summoners. Are they, too, the model you aspire to?"

                She thought a moment. "Hmm, now that you mention it, I know a couple who aren't really calm. They aren't even particularly nice. So what is it that gives Braska and Yunie their outlook?"

                "They have accepted the consequences of their choices, and take full responsibility for their actions."

                "That's something I need to work on."

                "They also would sacrifice themselves where it is not necessary, because they feel that is how they would best serve their people. That is not your way."

                "Maybe it should be."

                "__It should not_._"

                She was startled by the little spark's vehemence. "Okay, okay."

                "Think of what Yuna tried to do in marrying Maester Seymour. She did not accept the help of friends. She believed that she knew the best way to go about it, and if it failed then Spira would suffer no loss. She was greatly mistaken."

                "Hey, how do you know about Yuna? That doesn't happen for another ten years!"

                "Do you imagine the fayth are as limited as mortals? Do you imagine we have no sense of the future, and of your very thoughts when you come into our sacred chambers?"

                "Oh. I'd never thought of that."

                "A fayth brought you here, at your request. Never forget the power of the fayth."

                "I won't."

                "...Although, I'm not actually a fayth. I'm you."

                "Me?"

                "Yes. Now shut up and listen. True calm comes through conscientious thinking, young Rikku. You must think often, and pay attention to what you think. Decide which thoughts are not calming, and replace them in your mind with suitable alternatives. It is not hard to realize what they should be; what is hardest is remembering to change your mind in the heat of a moment."

                "Like when I'm with Auron."

                "To save him, it is not just your mind which you must change, but his as well."

                "Can I ask you something?"

                The spark flickered. "Yes?"

                "How do I know all this stuff?"

                "There's more to people than you think, Rikku. Haven't you ever heard of a voice inside someone, steering them true in a situation of dire need?"

                "Yes."

                "I'm your inner voice."

                "And it's just a coincidence that I heard you while sleeping in the Chamber of the Fayth?"

                "You came here seeking answers. You were listening for me, this time."

                "Oh."

                "However, there's a fayth waiting to speak with you when you wake up. Which should be soon anyway, because it's nearly dawn, and Braska will be up in about thirty-seven minutes."

                "Geez, now how do you know that?"

                "It was a guess. Wake up."

                Rikku opened her eyes. She shook her head, trying to clear it. She felt heavy with the deep sleep she'd been in. She got to her knees, her breath seeming loud through her nose as she tried to gather her thoughts.

                She glanced up suddenly, remembering. The fayth stood before her, looking very much like the one she'd seen in Zanarkand. Rikku made the sign of the prayer to it.

                It bowed to her, then moved forward. She started in surprise, but it was too late. The fayth's transparent form went straight into her chest. She fell backwards, all muscles releasing, eyes wide in surprise.

                She felt something attaching to every sinew in her body, rearranging within her, shifting. Her body trembled; she felt sweat beading on her forehead. Her inner organs writhed with discomfort. Her skin crawled under its surface. Her hair quivered. Then she felt pulling on every nerve, pain so great it almost tore her apart. She squeezed her eyes shut, her mouth opening and shutting but unable to produce a sound.

                In the darkness of her mind, Shiva appeared. She whirled, silvery-blue eyes flashing, then charged straight at Rikku. Rikku opened her eyes, sitting up, finally able to gasp in a breath. Her whole body was trembling. She looked around herself. The room looked different around her, larger and yet somehow smaller.

                *_What... just happened?*_ she thought.

                She shook herself. *_Pull it together, Rikki. It's almost dawn. You're a guardian, remember? Well, guard!*_

                She struggled to stand up, but her legs were unwilling to support her. She was able to lever herself up using the wall.

                *_This is ridiculous_,* she thought. *_I feel like I've been run over by an enormous robot. If I'm not cool and collected by the time Lord Braska sees me, he'll think I'm not fit to be a guardian.*_

                She stood still for a moment until she stopped swaying, then began taking slow steps. As long as she moved slow, she was able to gain strength. If she pushed herself too fast, she'd get the shakes again.

                *_It's like learning to walk all over. Like how I'll have to train my mind to be calmer. Slow, gentle steps. Right, Rikku?*_ she said to the silent voice inside. As expected, it didn't respond. She grinned.

                After a while, she was steady enough to adopt a normal walking pace. She came through the doors of the Cloister into the main temple, glad that those who'd seen her go in the night before weren't there to see her staggering out. She made her way carefully down the steps, across the vaulted room, and down more steps outside. The travel agency was within sight of the temple. She glanced over her shoulder once at the lightning around the temple and shivered slightly. The vision of an enraged Shiva racing towards her was still fresh in her memory.

                *_I wouldn't like to have to fight her_,* she said. Her mind supplied a segment of her conversation with the Fayth of Knowledge for her. *_Oh yeah, we have to fight all the aeons inside Sin. Tysh.*_ She shook her head. *_Language, Miss Al Bhed_,* she scolded herself.

                "I need to talk to someone outside my head," she said aloud, and pushed open the door to the travel agency. Auron was sitting at the counter, cradling a mug in his hands. He turned as she entered, then his eyes widened and he jumped to his feet.

                "Rikku! Did you stay in the temple all night?" he said.

                She nodded, then shut her eyes in regret as the movement swayed her whole body with dizziness. Auron twitched forward to support her, and she backed up a step.

                "I'm fine," she said. "A little groggy. What are you drinking?"

                "Tea," he said, eyeing her.

                "Any more where that came from?" she said.

                "Sure." He moved over to the stove and lifted a kettle from it, pouring some liquid almost as dark as his eyes into a cup for her.

                She walked up to the bar and sat down at the first seat she encountered. He placed the cup before her; she smiled her gratitude at him. He picked up his own cup and moved to sit next to her.

                "What happened?" he said. "I thought you were going to think for a while. I waited up for a while, but it was late -- I needed sleep too, you know." He sounded a little irritated. "When I woke up your bed still hadn't been slept in."

                "Mm." She swallowed a mouthful of the tea. It was hot, but not hot enough to burn her. It tasted spicy. "I must have been really tired, cause I fell asleep right there on the floor of the Chamber of the Fayth."

                "You slept in the Chamber of the Fayth?" he hissed, just as Jecht stepped into the room.

                Rikku's eyes flicked to Jecht's startled blue. Auron saw her gaze move and turned to see their eavesdropper.

                "Yes," she said quietly.

                "Why did you do that?" said Jecht.

                "It was an accident. I was praying, and I fell asleep," she said.

                "You must've had some funky dreams." Jecht sat down on her other side.

                "Yeah." She reached up to her neck; it felt sore, but not stiff.

                "Did the fayth speak to you?" said Auron.

                She frowned, swallowing some more tea. "No... It was there when I woke, but it didn't say anything. It bowed."

                "Bowed?" said Auron.

                "Mm-hmm." The tea was _really_ good. She didn't think she'd ever needed anything more in her life.

                "That's it?" said Jecht.

                She shrugged. She didn't really want to share the weird experience that followed. It seemed somehow... weak, and unguardianlike.

                "It's a good thing it wasn't angry with you," said Auron. "Only summoners are allowed in the Chamber of the Fayth."

                "Well, maybe it was angry. Maybe the fayth have different ways of displaying anger." She shivered. "Maybe it cursed me."

                "I've never heard of a fayth _cursing_ someone," said Auron, stricken.

                "Have you ever heard of anyone but a summoner sleeping in a Chamber of the Fayth?" she said.

                "Well, no..."

                "We'll take care of you, Rikku." Jecht threw an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "No ugly ol' fayth's curse is gonna get you while we're looking after you. Right, Auron?"

                Auron was still frowning, but he nodded distractedly.

                "Right. 'Cause we're the best team of guardians a summoner could ever hope for."

                She smiled at Jecht, reassured by his faith.

                Lord Braska joined them for breakfast a few minutes later, and a much refreshed Rikku set out with them for the shore. They were going to meet up with the __S.S. Liki__ and sail it to Besaid, where Braska would get his last aeon before the journey to Zanarkand. It was a full day's walk to the shore, however, a day full of fighting monsters for Rikku. Though her Godhand was up to the task, she felt weak inside. She wondered for a frightened moment if the fayth had really cursed her.

                *_Why would it do that? Didn't the Fayth of Knowledge say I could defeat Yu Yevon? Isn't that what all the fayth want?_

_                *Maybe I don't know as much as I think I do about the fayth.*_

                "What's on your mind, Rikku?" said Auron, beside her.

                She glanced at him and realized he'd been shadowing her all day. "Er... I was thinking about the fayth," she said.

                "What about them?" he queried.

                "Oh, that I don't really know a lot about them," she said.

                "No one really does... except the summoners."

                She looked up at him. "Sir Auron, what makes a summoner?"

                He cocked an eyebrow. "You mean you don't know?"

                She shook her head. "Tell me?"

                "All right. Well, a summoner first undergoes years of training, mental and physical."

                "Physical training? You mean training them to do this?" Rikku held out her hands, moving them as she'd watched Yuna and Braska do. She felt power gathering suddenly and stopped, her breath almost taken away. She fell to her knees. Auron, who had been in the midst of a syllable, stopped and reached down to her, his eyes wide with concern.

                She struggled up, feeling foolish and frightened and close to anger. "I'm all right, I'm all right. I lost my balance."

                "You're not all right," he said. "I know you're not."

                She ground her teeth. "Shut up. I'm fine. You're imagining things." Shiva flicked through her mind. *_Tysh, I think the fayth really did do something to me. I haven't felt this unsteady since... since... since I had the Tysran Flu when I was eight.*_

                "Are you all right, Rikku?" said Braska, coming up to her. Jecht was beside him, and the look in their eyes pressed in on her.

                She backed away, flushed. She was upset that they'd all seen her fall. "Please, I'm fine. Let's go on."

                Their eyes lingered, but Braska nodded solemnly and they all started off again. Rikku found herself distracted for the rest of the day, as they trekked through marshes and forests. She was sweating and losing her concentration when she fought. She felt cold all the time, and did her best to disguise her shakes by grinning and skipping along. She goaded Jecht into a word game -- part Yevonese, part Al Bhed. Braska and Auron joined in with smiles, testing their vocabularies.

                She'd never been so glad to see a travel agency when they reached the port, just as nightfall was winding up. She didn't dare sit down until she'd reached her room and shut the door, because she knew she wouldn't be able to get up again.

                She poured her shaking body into bed, but couldn't take comfort in its softness. The chill gripped her even more now, no matter how many blankets she piled on her. She kept seeing Shiva in her mind. Sweat was soaking her sheets. Every muscle hurt from the constant trembling. She tossed and turned, her body feeling more and more frail. At last she realized she needed help. She crawled out of bed, unable to stand, and made her way on hands and knees to the door to Braska's room. She knocked as quietly as she could.

                "Lord S-S-Summoner?" she said in a stammered whisper. After a moment she knocked again.

                "Yes?" said a voice thick with sleep.

                "L-l-l-l-lord?" she gasped, and a shiver wrenched her body like a paper in a gale.

                She heard soft footsteps approach the door; she looked up as it opened, into the face of her summoner.

                "I... I... I..." she tried.

                "Oh, Rikku," he gasped, reaching down to her.

                "I c-c-can't s-s-tand. C-can I c-c-crawl in?" she said.

                He stepped back, opening the door wider. Feeling ashamed, she crawled in. Once she was through the door, she drew her legs up under her and sat, trying to regain some dignity. The shakes made her hunched, though.

                He knelt beside her. "What's happened to you?"

                She felt tears well in her eyes. "I'm s-s-s-sorry, L-l-l-lord. I... I... I... s-s-slept in the Ch-Chamber of the F-F-Fayth in M-M-Macalania. I only m-meant to p-p-pray, b-b-but I f-f-fell asleep... w-when I w-woke up, th-there was a f-fayth there. It c-c-cursed me."

                "__Cursed__ you?" said Braska.

                She nodded helplessly. "I kn-kn-know what I d-d-did was w-w-wrong, and n-now I'm in d-d-deep t-trouble."

                "Rikku, this is important. What exactly did the fayth do to you?"

                There was a knock at the door. Rikku's head snapped up.

                "Lord Summoner?" It was Auron's voice. "Are you all right?"

                She shook her head, shaking even worse. "N-n-no..." she whispered. "H-h-he'll tell m-me I c-c-can't be a g-g-g-guardian anym-more."

                Braska squeezed her shoulders gently, cradling her in his arm. "It will be all right. I promise." He raised his voice. "Come in, Sir Auron."

                The door opened, and both Auron and Jecht stood there. Rikku buried her head in her hands.

                "Please close the door behind you," said Braska.

                "Great Yevon... Rikku..." breathed Jecht, easing into the room so Auron could shut the door. They knelt around her.

                "I'm n-n-not weak," she gasped, trying not to cry as she met their stares.

                "No one said you were," said Braska. "Now can you explain to me exactly what the fayth did to you in the Chamber in Macalania?"

                She gulped. "I-I-I m-made the s-s-s-s..." She gave up and did the prayer sign, bowing over her cupped hands. For a moment, she felt slightly better; when she straightened the relief faded. "I-i-it b-bowed t-t-t-to m-m-me."

                Braska gently stroked her hair. The feeling was so comforting she had to fight tears again. She closed her eyes, hiccuping in a breath.

                "T-t-then..." she gasped, "it m-m-moved so fast... r-r-r-right into m-my b-b-body..."

                "What?" Braska whispered, barely audible.

                She jerked with a vicious spasm. "It h-h-hurt s-so m-much... all over... I c-c-couldn't move... it w-w-w-went away, b-but l-l-l-later, when we w-w-were fighting m-monsters, I started f-feeling really w-weak again. It c-c-cursed me. I sh-sh-shouldn't have..."

                "Rikku, Rikku, shh." Braska pulled her into his arms, rocked her gently. "It's okay. We can fix this."

                She looked up at him, but he was already looking up at Auron and Jecht. "Help me get her outside," said Braska. "Jecht, get the door. Auron, help me carry her."

                "B-b-but..." she cried.

                "Shh," Braska said, touching her lips as he shifted her in his arms. Jecht opened the door; Auron gathered up Rikku's quivering legs. The summoner rose, Auron with him, and they carried her down the hall. She tried to protest again, and again Braska hushed her. In her panicked mind, among shameful memories of the previous morning in the Chamber and visions of Shiva chasing her down to kill her, she thought, *_They're not going to let me be a guardian anymore! I disobeyed the teachings and I'm weak. Who would ever want me as a guardian?*_

                Jecht rushed up and opened the front door, allowing them out into the cold breezes off the night ocean. She was already so cold she barely felt it. They carried her away from the building, a little way down the path towards the woods. Braska stopped in a large open area away from the trees.

                "All right, Auron, lower her feet to the ground," said Braska. "She's going to have to stand; I'll support her for the moment."

                She shut her eyes against the pain as Auron knelt down, the weight of her legs stretching her torso. She'd been hunched so long every stretch hurt. Her feet touched the ground. Auron backed off, his eyes going to her face. She saw fear in their depths and was momentarily distracted from the pain.

                "Jecht," said Braska, "I need you to come here and hold her up for me."

                Jecht moved forward, looking equally worried until his face vanished behind her. She twitched a little as she was handed from the summoner to his guardian, but as long as she kept her eyes focused on Auron and tried not to tense, it hurt less.

                Braska stepped before her. "Rikku, look at me."

                Her eyes moved to his.

                "Good. Now, I want to to hold out your arms. Try to do it on your own. I need you to do this for me, Rikku."

                Her biceps and triceps protested; she closed her eyes, felt sweat drip down her forehead. *_Come on_,* she thought. *_You've wielded the Godhand against behemoths; you've double-casted Flare on malboros. I know you have it in you. You were supporting me just moments ago when I crawled into the Lord Summoner's room. Oh, tysh, I must have looked so pathetic. ...Shut up, Rikki, and concentrate.*_

                She'd raised her arms and was trying to hold them steady, but they wavered uncontrollably.

                "That's it. Good girl," said Braska. "Now, try to hold this." He held out his staff to her.

                She focused her eyes on it. Her fingers curled around it, but they were slippery and her arms wouldn't stop shaking. She moaned softly in despair as it fell from her grasp. She sank back against Jecht and felt him stagger.

                "It's all right! It's all right. Forget the staff," said Braska. "Just watch my arms and follow my movements, all right?" He held his arms out stiff and straight before him; she briefly envied his strength, then focused on mimicking him.

                He was moving his arms as if summoning an aeon.

                She gasped, sweat soaking her back. "No...! It'll make it worse! I started to do this earlier..."

                "And you didn't finish," said Braska. "Finish now. Now, Rikku!"

                Her arms seemed to steady, though the rest of her was shaking badly as she moved to the rhythm of the summoning gestures. Braska stopped just before the end of the move, but she followed through.

                The sky rippled, and a bright circle of light appeared far above them. She stilled, looking up at it. She realized peripherally that she really _had_ stilled, but was much more focused on the lithe form slipping out of the swirling sky. Shiva's translucent shell hung above them, flickering. The ice shattered with a sound like thunder; Shiva threw her head back with a swirl of earthy hair. She'd seen the summoning before, but always in battle.

                This time, Shiva flung her veil at Rikku, who was nearly buried in its frigid folds when she failed to catch it. Shiva sauntered up to her, scrutinizing the Al Bhed.

                *_She's going to kill me_,* Rikku thought, giddy with calm.

                After a moment she tensed, then jumped up into the sky. Rikku turned her gaze to follow, but the aeon had vanished without a sound.

                Rikku slowly came back to herself, and realized that she'd stopped shaking and wasn't cold anymore. Her muscles were sore and she was soaked in sweat; even more than that she felt completely drained, but she was supporting herself on her own two feet without wobbling. Jecht's hands were still on her ribcage, but they were lax with distraction. After a moment he seemed to notice as well drew them back.

                She stared at Braska, who finally looked down from the sky to her with very serious eyes.

                "She didn't kill me," she said, quietly, without stammering.

                "Of course not," he said. "You summoned her."

                She blinked. "But... you summoned her, didn't you? Or maybe she was inside me, part of the fayth's curse."

                "Yes, Rikku, she was inside you," he said. "The fayth's curse was the ability to summon. Because you hadn't trained for it your body wasn't prepared. You couldn't assimilate Shiva. Your body needed to summon her forth to get it out of your overloaded system."

                She sighed. "So that was just a one-time thing, huh?"

                "The shaking and chills, yes." Braska paused. "But not the ability. You've become a summoner, Rikku."

                "W-what?" She cleared her throat. "B-but Lord Braska... you said yourself I haven't trained. It's not possible. I'm not a summoner. That's not even why I was in the Chamber of the Fayth. I went there to think things over, ask for guidance from the fayth."

                "The aeons are their guidance to us, Rikku."

                "I can't be a summoner! I'm not even kind..." she swallowed. "Like you."

                Braska's face softened. He approached her and drew her into his arms. Then, very softly, he whispered in her ear, "I pray my daughter will grow up to be as kind as you, Rikku."

                She returned his hug, burying her face in his shoulder. "I pray I'll grow up to be as kind as both of you." She pulled away and looked up into his eyes. He smiled tenderly at her.

                She knew she would never forget Braska, ever. She would keep his memory alive in her body, and perhaps someday summon it for Yuna. She thought of his impending sacrifice. Her eyes filled, but did not spill. She did not have to cry. Not yet. There would be time later.

                "You need rest now, summoner," he said.

                "Please don't call me summoner," she murmured, then became aware that Jecht and Auron had moved in close to her and could hear them both. "Please, lord. Not now. I don't want to think about it yet."

                "As you wish," he said softly. "Allow me to help you to your room, Rikku."

                "I can walk now," she said. "Thank you for your offer, but I'm much better. And thank you, Lord." She made the sign of the prayer to him and bowed; Auron caught her just as she started to fall. His hands tightened around her waist as she straightened.

                "You don't have to be strong right now," Auron mouthed into her ear. "I'm giving you the night off as a guardian." Aloud, to Braska, he said, "I'll help her, master."

                "Thank you, Auron," said Braska. "Sleep as long as you need to, Rikku. We won't leave without you, I promise." His eyes quavered, but he said nothing else. Jecht lingered before following his master into the agency.

                Rikku consented to allow Auron to cup her elbow as they walked slowly towards the building. He didn't say anything; his silence seemed condemning. She lowered her head.

                *_Now he'll never like me_,* she thought. *_I've become a burden, a shame.*_

                "You were very strong," he murmured.

                Her head lifted. *_What?*_

                "Not everyone who trains can become a summoner. Many die the first time they pray in a Chamber of the Fayth," he said. "I think you were brave to try to handle it by yourself, but don't forget you have friends. We're here to help each other, not just the summoner. Guarding the summoner at one's own expense isn't good for the group. That's why there's always more than one guardian, you know."

                "But I'm supposed to be strong," she whispered. "I've got the Godhand."

                "Jecht and I have our swords, not to mention the aeons Lord Braska commands." He smiled softly. "Soon you'll have them too."

                She shook her head, opening her mouth.

                "I know. Not tonight. My point is, let us do the guarding for a while -- before we forget how. We've relied on you too much, Rikki. Now it's your turn to rely on us."

                *_He called me Rikki...?*_

                He helped her to her room, even straightening the covers over her. "Goodnight, Rikku. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call for me."

                "Goodnight, Auron," she called as he shut the door. Her eyes remained open in darkness for a while. *_I must be imagining things. I'm sure he said Rikku. I'm the only one who calls me Rikki, and only in my head.*_

                Her eyes slid closed.


	4. This Can't be All There Is

                When Rikku's eyes finally opened, her room was full of light. She lay still for a moment, suspended in soft post-dreaming consciousness, before reality washed over her. She gasped and threw the covers off, clambering out of bed. She wriggled into her clothes, leaving her pajamas in a messy pile on the floor. A moment later she scooped them into her pouch and raced out the door.

                "I told you we'd wait for you," Braska said without turning when she reached the lobby. He took a sip of something that smelled delicious, then turned to her with a smile.

                "I... I know," she said. "I believed you, it's just... I had planned to only sleep a few hours, and to be up before all you, all better and ready to go. I didn't mean to hold up your pilgrimage."

                "It's all right, Rikku. Come, sit with me." He spread his hands, beckoning. "I'd like to talk to you."

                She sat down next to him and swallowed hard. "This is about Shiva, isn't it?"

                "It's about you," he said. "How do you feel?"

                "Oh, lots and lots better." She straightened, grinning. "I could take on Sin this morning and not even break a sweat."

                His smile was faint. "I'm glad you're better. But listen, this is new and strange to your body. Most summoners undergo rigorous, constant training for many years before attempting to do what you did."

                She hung her head, chastised. "I didn't mean to," she said.

                "I know." His hand touched her arm lightly, comforting without patronizing. "Just listen. I want you to be aware of anything odd you feel, and tell me. I don't think this has ever happened before in the history of Spira, but I'll do my best to help you through it."

                She frowned. "If it's never happened before, how did you know how to help me?"

                He sighed. "Sometimes trained summoners have trouble with the aeons. Someone I trained with almost died, because his body wouldn't accept the fayth. He continued to have trouble in every temple, and eventually had to give up being a summoner."

                "Then you think maybe I shouldn't summon?"

                "I want you to do whatever you feel is necessary. For some reason, the fayth decided to entrust you with Shiva, even though your physiology was not prepared for it. Maybe you can be a summoner, Rikku. You're stronger than anyone I've ever met. I want you to feel free to try while you're with us, as long as it poses no threat to your well-being."

                Her eyes widened. "You don't mean you want me to pray in other temples, do you?"

                "I want you to do whatever you feel like doing." Braska touched her arm. "If you find that you are to become Lady Summoner when I'm gone, and to lead a pilgrimage of your own to defeat the next Sin..." He smiled sadly. "Well, it wouldn't have a chance against you."

                "This is getting to be way too much. I don't feel like a summoner. Anyway I'm sure there's some other way to defeat Sin, so summoners and guardians don't have to die..." She trailed off, upset.

                Braska laughed softly. "Ah, Rikku, I'll never forget you. You want so much for everyone to live."

                "No one deserves to die," she muttered. "I think a lot of people have died needlessly, just because we don't really understand about Sin and why he's here. The teachings say it's because of my people and our machina, but... I can't believe that. I don't think we brought Sin on ourselves. I think it's just easier for people to believe that than to try to think up some other reason, because they're used to it."

                "Perhaps. Although something had to inspire the Yevon faith, all those centuries ago when Sin first appeared."

                *_Yeah, Yunalesca and her selfish lies_,* she thought with a knot in her stomach. I still haven't figured out what to do. All this stuff about summoning has distracted me. I need to remember what I'm here for.

                "I think for now," she said aloud, "I'd just like to be your guardian."

                He smiled and leaned back. "That sounds good to me."

                The door opened to the sounds of laughter and Jecht and Auron walked in. As soon as they saw Braska and Rikku their laughter died.

                "Well!" she said brightly. "Is everyone else ready? 'Cause I'm raring to go, and time's a-wasting!"

                "I'm ready." Braska rose. "If you two ruffians are quite finished..."

                Amazingly, Auron actually blushed. "Yes, Lord Summoner."

                Jecht grinned and nodded. "Yes, lord."

                "Then shall we be off?" said Braska.

                The __S.S. Liki__ was a fine ship, smaller than the Al Bhed's but large enough for their purposes.

                The coruscating water calmed her as they set sail for Besaid, the sun warm around her. She spotted Auron and Jecht in easy conversation at the Liki's bow and made her way over to them. When Auron spotted her, the laughter left his face. Jecht turned; they grew silent as she approached.

                "Hey," she said, trying to sound light though her heart ached, "what's with the silent treatment? You guys have been weird to me all morning."

                Jecht glanced at Auron. "Well, I guess it's because we're not really sure how to treat you now."

                "Huh? What do you mean? I'm still good old Rikku, right?" She spun around, but her grin faded when she saw Auron's eyes.

                "We're guardians," said Auron. "That's all we are. We protect a summoner. But... now that you're... well, you're a summoner, but you're a guardian too."

                "The best guardian in all of Spira," added Jecht.

                "We're just not sure whether to protect you as well, now that you have prayed to the fayth," said Auron.

                "Well... but that was just a mistake," she said. "I'm not really a summoner..."

                "It's no mistake," Auron said harshly. "It is a privilege and an honor to be able to summon."

                "I didn't ask for this," she sighed. "I'm confused too, you know. I don't want to be a summoner, but it looks like I'm stuck with Shiva. I can take care of myself. I don't need guardians; we're here to help Lord Braska. ...But I could really use a friend or two."

                "Right!" said Jecht, clapping her on the shoulder. "After all, underneath this here summoner is our old friend Rikku, the one we've come to know and cower before. That's what's really important."

                She smiled, so gratified she didn't even swat his butt in response. She glanced at Auron, but underneath the curving of his lips she still saw hesitation. Her heart sank.

                *_No, not now, not when I was so close to reaching him. I can't believe I'm losing him over something so stupid! I wish I'd never gone into the Macalania Temple.*_

                When she turned to speak to Jecht, he had left the deck. Braska slipped out of the main cabin and spotted his guardians at her rail. He joined them.

                "It's beautiful today," said Rikku.

                "Yes..." Braska seemed distracted, so she didn't interrupt his thoughts. She glanced at Auron, but he too was lost. She rolled her eyes at their vacant stares and joined them, peering at the brightness of the horizon. The beauty seemed monotonous now. She turned to leave her taciturn companions and saw Jecht had returned, crossing the deck as he examined the sphere recorder in his hands. She skipped out of the way, her heart beating wildly.

                *_No way. Don't wanna be in the picture, Jecht_,* she thought firmly, making herself inconspicuous against the port railing.

                Jecht looked up at the Lord Summoner and remaining guardian with a pensive frown. Jecht lifted the recorder to his eye.

                "After you get that aeon from Besaid," he said, "where're we going?"

                Auron turned to Jecht, his near-hypnotic reverie broken. "Back the way we came," Auron answered. "Then we go north from Bevelle and climb Mount Gagazet."

                Braska, too, turned at this, leaving whatever thoughts he had with the inarticulate waves. "Beyond it lies... Zanarkand."

                Jecht backed up, as if trying to get a wider angle. Rikku hunched and scuttled out of the way of the recorder's scope.

                "Zanarkand, huh?" he said. "It's been in ruins for a thousand years, right?"

                Auron approached Jecht, his voice soft. "So the legends say. No one knows for sure. ...It could still be your Zanarkand."

                Jecht smiled tightly. "Thanks for trying, Auron." He removed the recorder from his eye and looked down thoughtfully. Rikku attempted to edge away further and stumbled over the anchor. He looked up at her; his smile grew sincere.

                "Hey, Spira's newest summoner-guardian." He lifted the recorder again, and she dashed forward to close her hands over the device.

                "No thanks," she said. "I think this is more for the three of you than me."

                "What're you talking about? These spheres are to show our kids what it was like, to share our pilgrimage with them. You're part of that, Rikku." He attempted to pry the recorder from her grasp, but her fingers clamped down.

                "As a favor to me," she murmured, "don't film me. I might not wind up being a very popular person if everyone finds out who and what I am."

                She felt his pulling go slack. He stared into her eyes.

                "You sound like you're hiding," he said.

                "I am. Please, Sir Jecht? Be my friend?"

                "All right. But you know, a pretty face like yours shouldn't stay hidden forever." He reached up to cup her chin in a surprisingly fatherly gesture.

                "Why, Jecht, you old softie."

                He chuckled. She passed him, heading for the cabin to explore her thoughts in private. She tucked herself into a bunk and closed her eyes, seeking calm.

                *_One more aeon to go before the final one.*_ She shivered with trepidation. *_I don't have much time left.*_

                "Smallest heap of huts I ever seen!" Jecht said of Besaid, surveying the village.

                "Now, that looks like a fine place to live," was Braska's verdict. Rikku stood out of sight behind Auron, who was recording their reactions to a sphere.

                "Hmm," Braska mused as Jecht strolled off into the 'heap of huts.' "Auron."

                "My lord?" said Auron.

                "When this is over..." said Braska, "could you bring Yuna here? I want her to lead a life far away from this conflict."

                "You have my word. I will bring her here."

                Braska turned towards Auron, meeting the younger man's eyes. "Thank you, Auron. You are a good friend." Braska's gaze slid to Rikku, and he opened his mouth.

                Her heart skipped. *_Don't speak to me __please__ don't say my name_,* her mind whispered urgently as her eye flicked to the recorder.

                "What are you guys doin'?" Jecht called, cutting off whatever Braska was about to say. "I'm so hungry I could eat a shoopuf whole!"

                "Sorry," Braska called. To Auron he said, "Well, let's go then."

                Auron put away the recorder, to Rikku's great relief. *_Just stay away from them when they get out that thing_,* she thought.

                Besaid's temple was new to Rikku, having been the earliest part of Yuna's pilgrimage, long before Rikku joined her. She puzzled over the Cloister of Trials with her summoner and fellow guardians.

                "That wasn't hard at all," Jecht mused. "Certainly not like Bevelle's."

                Rikku stared at the door to the Chamber of the Fayth. She couldn't keep Valefor's summoning from her mind. Braska stepped forward, pressed open the doors, and entered the chamber. She exhaled and turned away.

                "Disappointed you couldn't go first?" teased Jecht.

                She glared at him.

                "Hey, lighten up. I was joking," he said.

                "Am I going to have to put up with your summoner cracks all the way to Sin, funnyman?" She poked him.

                "Maybe."

                "Arrgh!" She tackled him in a fit of exasperation, throwing him to the floor. After his initial shock at her attack, his hands snaked up and started seeking ticklish spots.

                "Hey!" She squirmed, eyes widening. She tried to beat him off and nearly decapitated him with the Godhand.

                "Get that thing out of my face!" He grabbed it with both hands and yanked it off her arm, almost breaking her wrist.

                "Oww!" she shrieked. "Oh, you are asking for it, old man."

                "Bring it on, shrimp!" He flung her weapon aside and struggled to reach her armpits. She flailed back, her fingers dancing across his bare chest. He twitched convulsively, giggles welling up in him.

                Auron sighed disapprovingly and loudly. Her eyes snapped up to him, flashing. She reached out with a vindictive hand and seized the hem of his robe. He glanced down, a moment's surprise on his face before she and Jecht dragged him to the floor.

                "Get __off__ me!" snapped Auron. "This is not appropriate behavior to engage in within a temple of Yevon! You'll disturb Lord Braska!"

                "Only if you can't keep your giggles down," Rikku hissed as she and Jecht pinned Auron down, combining forces to tickle some sense out of him.

                "What in Yevon's name... Hey! Stop that! You're maniacs... ARGH!" Auron hissed through his teeth, his face turning red.

                "Jackpot!" she snickered to Jecht, having found a ticklish spot on the young man's inner thigh.

                "I demand... that you stop this... at once. You're acting... like children! Argharghargh... damn it!"

                Rikku giggled to hear Auron swear. Finally he could fight laughter no more, and at that capitulation they released him.

                "Good job!" Jecht high-fived Rikku.

                Auron sat up, breathing hard, and wiped his streaming eyes with the back of his sleeve. His eyes gleamed, sword-like, at the co-conspirators. "That was totally uncalled for."

                Rikku stuck her tongue out at him.

                "You're so childish," he said.

                "It's childish to call other people childish," she said.

                "That makes no sense," he said.

                "You think you're above me just 'cause you're a little older and you're a monk. Well I've got news for you -- you don't let loose once in a while, and all that anger you have in there..." she poked him in the ribs; he scrambled up and away from her reach, "might get you in serious trouble. Get some perspective, monk-man!"

                "She's right, Auron," said Jecht. "You could stand to lighten up a little."

                Auron opened his mouth to protest, but Rikku cut him off, scrambling to her feet to stare up at him.

                "I don't think you appreciate the gravity of what we're going through," she said.

                Auron gave her a short, sarcastic laugh. "I think you have it backwards, girl..."

                "No, I don't, and here's why: I realize that the Lord Summoner has made some tough choices, and he's resigned to a horrible fate to save Spira. The final summoning -- that's __it__, Auron. End of story. How do you think someone facing that would want to spend their last days: thinking about death, or really __living__? Don't you want to help Braska feel happy? Or will you and your grave prepossessions drag him down until he doesn't even feel alive, just an empty shell marching to his doom?"

                She stopped for breath, and realized that Jecht and Braska were staring incredulously at her. She deflated. "Just a thought."

                "Y'know, Rikku," said Jecht, "sometimes you make more sense than anything in this crazy world." He folded his arms and leaned against the wall to wait.

                She sat down on the floor and dug out her sack to take an inventory. She hadn't expected a response from Auron, but he surprised her. After a few moments, when she'd put what she said away in her mind, he whispered just loud enough for her to hear,

                "You're right."

                She peered up at him, but neither his eyes nor his lips gave her any more than that.

                Rikku looked up as the doors opened. Jecht and Auron straightened. Braska, pale and sweaty, emerged from the Chamber. She rose, scanning his expression. He looked exhausted.

                Braska started to head back to the Cloister, his guardians following close behind, but after a moment he stopped and turned to Rikku.

                "Pray now, if you will," he said.

                She gulped. "My lord..."

                "Auron, stay with her if she decides to enter the Chamber of the Fayth." Braska said no more; he continued on his way. Jecht shot his companions a long look before following his summoner.

                "Well?" Auron said, half-challenging.

                *_You're a guardian, Rikki_,* she thought. *_Anything you can do to guard Lord Braska will help. Especially if you plan to save him.*_

                "I'll go." She focused on him. "You don't have to stay."

                He quirked an eyebrow. "I'll stay."

                She turned on her heel and marched back to the Chamber's doors. Steeling herself, she went through. She shut the doors behind her, knelt on the floor, and looked down at Valefor's sightless form. She started with the prayer gesture.

                "Hi," she said. "I guess I'm sort of new to this. I don't really know what to do, or say. Anyway, I'm a guardian to the summoner that was just in here. Yesterday morning, something... well, something really weird happened to me. I was at your friend Shiva's place in Macalania, and I fell asleep." She laughed half-heartedly. "Funniest thing... but I guess you know all about it. You fayth are pretty powerful."

                Her words echoed up the cylindrical walls in the silence that followed.

                "Anyway, the reason I came here was because I thought maybe... I mean, I know aeons aren't much good against Sin, except the final one, but I thought that if I could summon aeons, it might help me save them. And that's what I really, really, __really__ want. They want to save Spira by sacrificing themselves, but I want to save Spira and them too."

                She cleared her throat, feeling silly all of a sudden. "...You know?" she added weakly, and repeated the prayer sign for good measure.

                "Anyway, I know I haven't trained and stuff and I'm probably not worthy, but I feel better just being here. I hope you don't mind.

                "It's funny how important they are to me now. I mean, I didn't really know them at all, even Auron. And now the thought of losing them makes me breathe funny and my chest hurts. I love them, you know? I don't want to see them die for nothing.

                "But is there anything I can do about it? Is their fate immutable? Was all this in vain?"

                She bowed her head. "I want to help them. Help me help them. Please."

                With a suddenness that made her gasp, pressure filled her head. She reached up to it, but before her hand touched her head the room spun around her and was replaced with blackness.

                She jerked awake, vaguely aware that she'd had dreams but with no memory of what they were. She blinked. Heaviness lingered in her head, though no longer as strong as that which had knocked her unconscious. She looked up to see a fayth standing over her.

                She rose to her knees and hurriedly made the sign of prayer to it. As she straightened, it nodded. She steeled herself.

                "Why do you seek their lives?" it said, in that same faint hollow voice that had greeted her in Yevon Dome.

                "B-because I love them. If Yunie doesn't have to die, neither do they," she said.

                "Everyone dies," said the fayth. "They've chosen to die for their people."

                "But it's not necessary," she said.

                "You struggle so hard, little one," it said, barely taller than her head as she kneeled. "Someday soon you must accept that you cannot change everything."

                "Are you saying that I can't help them?" Despair nearly throttled her mind.

                "Little one."

                She tried to calm her mind. "Yes?"

                "Someday you will be Spira's savior. Do not give up hope if you fail today, for today's lessons turn dreams into tomorrow's strength."

                "Er... can you be less vague?"

                "Enough. You will have my summoning." It stepped forward, and she was again startled by the suddenness with which it entered her. She collapsed on the floor. She'd hoped this time would be less painful, now that she knew what to expect -- but if anything, it was worse. Her insides wrenched around. If she'd had the strength, she would have retched. Her body couldn't even writhe in pain.

                When the pain subsided and her body was returned to her control, it started shaking. She crawled over to the wall and dug her fingers into the grooves between stone. A sliver of the energy she normally commanded allowed her to stand -- barely. She reached for the doors, then paused.

                *_Auron's out there.*_

                She closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. She sought calm in her mind's darkness. When she felt a little steadier, she pushed open the doors.

                Auron stood where he'd been leaning against the wall, his solicitude evident. She gave him the strongest smile she could.

                "Okay," she said. "I'm finished. Let's find Jecht and get into some trouble, huh?"

                "The fayth joined with you?" he said.

                "Yuppity yup," she said, striding for the cloister as fast as she dared. He matched her pace.

                "How do you feel?" he said.

                "Like a million gold."

                "Rikku," he admonished. "This is serious. I'm trying to find out if you're all right."

                "Don't __worry__ about me," she scolded. "I'm worth four of you with one hand tied behind my back."

                "You don't take me seriously."

                "No more than you deserve."

                "I deserve a little respect from you."

                "Oh, I respect you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

                "What's that supposed to mean?"

                "Er..." *_Oops. Nice one, Rikki. You managed to nearly shove your entire leg down your own throat.*_ "I meant __you__ wouldn't be here. I would have told you to scram and leave me alone to my vigil. But I like you, and I think like me you have the potential to be a nice person."

                "Someone certainly has a high estimation of herself."

                She whirled on him, but when her vision stopped spinning she saw a grin on his face. She laughed in astonishment. "You're making fun of me!"

                "It's my turn."

                "You mean you're not even upset? Not a little?"

                "By you?" He reached up and ruffled her hair.

                The gesture made her flush with heat. "Don't do that, monk-man. I'm warning you."

                "Or else what?" He was still grinning, and her fists clenched.

                "I will not be patronized by a man who can't even keep..." She stopped speaking and exhaled all the breath she'd drawn in, stricken by how close he could get her to slipping with her knowledge of the future. "Damn you!" she snapped.

                "Now you know how I feel!" he said. "You continually run me down, tell me I'm too serious, that you're stronger than me. You and Jecht humiliated me today!"

                Stunned, she realized his eyes had a sheen to them. She dropped her hands. "Oh, damn."

                He turned away.

                Her fingers went numb. *_I understand now.*_ She reached up to him, but refrained from touching his back.

                Her eyes slid closed to shut out distractions as she sought the right words. Silence swirled around them until she could find a way to begin.

                "My mom never cried," she said. "No matter what happened, she was always strong. When she died, my dad was a wreck -- angry, sad, depressed by turns. One night he told me that what made him hurt the most was that even when he was sobbing his eyes out by her side, holding her hand while she barely clung to life, she still smiled at him and told him everything was okay. He knew it wasn't. He wanted so badly to hear her say it, to admit that she was going to die and share the sorrow of the truth.

                "It didn't make any sense to me, of course. I'm just like my dad, Auron. I go to pieces when bad things happen -- but I'm also learning what it's like to be my mom. I know what it's like now to want things to seem better than they are, and try to make light of any situation, even when it's not appropriate. And like my dad, I get angry if things are really bad."

                She had to stop then. Her hand had moved so close to him she could feel his jacket just under her fingertips, but she still wasn't touching it.

                "You're fragile too, Auron. Just like me," she whispered. "I didn't know that you were angry because you're scared too. I didn't know. I didn't know you were just like me."

                "Damn it, I'm not like you," he snapped, but his voice quavered. He didn't turn around.

                "I don't want you to die," she whispered. Her hand finally touched him. He flinched, but she didn't pull back. He didn't throw her off.

                "I... I don't want Lord Braska to die," said Auron.

                "I know."

                "But what can I do? The final summoning is the only way to defeat Sin and save Spira."

                *_No_,* she railed inside. *_The final summoning is a lie!*_ But she couldn't bring herself to say it. "I feel helpless too," she whispered.

                He didn't respond.

                "It makes me so mad... I trained so hard, fought so many, and for what?" she said. "More deaths? A temporary Calm? This can't be all there is."

                He gave her more silence. She looked up at the back of his head.

                *_This can't be all there is.*_

                He turned from her touch, walked heavily through the Cloister. She trailed him, echoing his pensive silence.


	5. Misplaced Belief

                Rikku sat in the bow, the wind ruffling her hair. She was so lost in her own mind that Braska's touch made her jump. She forced her breathing to slow, looking up at her summoner.

                "How do you feel?" he said.

                She grinned. "That's the third time you've asked me this morning, __Dad__."

                He smiled sheepishly. "I admit I feel a bit protective of you."

                "As I feel protective of you, my lord," she said.

                He laughed softly. "Ironic, isn't it? You're so much stronger than I, and yet here I am treating you like my..." His voice stopped and his eyes hollowed with the word he'd almost spoken.

                Her heart went out to him; she covered his hand with hers. "You miss her so much. You wish you could see her again."

                He dropped his eyes. "Yes."

                "It's all right," she assured him, stroking his fingers. "I don't mind you seeing her in me, if you need to. Anyone would be honored and blessed to have you for a father."

                "Thank you, Rikku. You're... very kind."

                She gave him a hug which he tenderly returned. "I'll do my best for you, lord."

                His breathing hesitated, like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

                "...Father," she corrected.

                She didn't say anything more, even as his tears struck her back.

                None of them saw Rikku where she stood observing them from the lee of a snowdrift. Braska held the sphere recorder up to point at Auron and Jecht, who were standing together under a banner which read, 'Lake Macalania.'

                "Braska!" said Jecht. "You should take one, too. It'd make a great gift for little Yuna!"

                "I suppose," said Braska.

                Auron stepped forward. "I'll hold the recorder, lord."

                Braska handed it over and went to stand by Jecht. Rikku sighed softly and slipped away from the touching scene.

                Rikku could see that under Jecht's attempts at levity, his resignation made him sad. He didn't seem to have any hope of living past the pilgrimage now. She did her best to help cheer up the group. She sensed that, this close to the end, they could not keep from thinking about it.

                They crossed the Calm Lands, looking everywhere but the sea. No one could feel calm here -- the sheer flatness, the unnatural gouges in the land, every shaggy crop of grass seemed etched with memories of Sin.

                Jecht tapped Rikku's elbow and leaned down to address her in low tones. "What happened here?"

                "High summoners used to fight Sin here," she kept her voice down, but Braska and Auron seemed preoccupied.

                "And now?" said Jecht.

                "I don't know," she said. "Maybe we'll fight him here too. I've never fought Sin before."

                "Heh, neither have I." He squinted out at the sea. "Place gives me the creeps."

                "Sir Jecht?"

                He focused on her; she knew using his title always garnered his full attention.

                "Do... do you think there's another way to fight Sin? A way where no one has to die?"

                "What're you asking me for?"

                "Because... because you're different." She gestured to the two walking far before them. "All their lives, they were told that the high summoner learns the final aeon; its summoning and the summoner's sacrifice are said to be the only way to defeat Sin. But Sin keeps coming back, always the same. What if there was something else behind Sin, something that re-creates it every time it's annihilated?"

                "I don't know, Rikku. I don't know enough about this place..."

                "But that's why I'm asking you. I thought maybe you might not just accept something without questions. What do you think about where Sin comes from?"

                "How'm I supposed to know? They never had anything like this back in Zanarkand... except when this monstrosity came and got me, that is. That was the first time I'd seen anything like it. The Yevon faith has been around since the first Sin was created. I'm sure they know more about it than I ever could."

                "That's a dangerous way to think," she pointed out. "What if they don't know either, and they're just guessing? What if they deliberately mislead people to maintain leadership?"

                "Hey, whoa, whoa, darlin'. Listen, you're getting a little ambitious here. You tryin' to stage a coup of Yevon? 'Cause youth can lead you to do a lot of things that don't turn out to be real smart."

                "But Jecht, if we don't change the way things are... then things will stay the same, and people will keep dying!"

                "Listen, some things are more important than change. Look how many people we've seen who depend on Yevon and the final summoning for their only hope. How do you think they would feel if you proved to them that it was all a lie?"

                She kicked at the dirt, burning inside.

                "To you young people, hope is everywhere. But when you get older, and bad things happen... you have to have something there to support you when you feel helpless."

                "People didn't have hope when Sin first appeared, 'till Lady Yunalesca," and her lips curled back from the distasteful name, "performed the final summoning. The Calm didn't last forever -- but people stopped searching for another answer. And that was a thousand years ago!" She blushed and lowered her voice when Auron glanced sharply over his shoulder at her. "If the Yevon faith gave them hope, why did they still give up?"

                "Because death and terror make people tired. They wake up every day not knowing if they'll live until sunset, or if this may be the last day they ever see their kids' smiles. They try to survive, try to live each day without despair -- but that's all they can do, is live."

                "That's no kind of life I'd ever want."

                "You Al Bhed -- you don't want summoners to die, but what choice do you offer Spira? Machines aren't any good against Sin."

                "I know. Why don't we take my Godhand and my spells and crack open Sin -- just to see what's inside?"

                "Ew. You're freakin' morbid, Rikku."

                "I'll bet you a million gold that he's hollow, and that there's something inside!"

                "Yeah? And what would that be?"

                "Yu Yevon!"

                "Yevon? The old summoner? Isn't he dead?"

                "Not so he can't terrorize Spira from inside Sin."

                "You hit your head or somethin'? Yevon is Spira's god, their great mythical lord. Practically everyone follows his teachings. You go around sayin' he's inside Sin, you're looking to get beat to a pulp."

                "What if I'm right?"

                He didn't reply for so long that she thought she'd convinced him.

                "You got a lot of nerve." He heaved a sigh. "I don't want to see you go after Sin and get spread out all over this place like a pancake. So promise me you won't go attack Sin, or I'll have to tell Auron and Lord Braska what you're planning. They'll tie you up and leave you behind."

                "Arrgh!" she hissed. "Why is everyone so stubborn?"

                "Darlin', maybe you'll find somebody someday to join you in your crusade. It sounds fishy to me. Listen, if you hold onto your beliefs, and someday you go after Sin, you better make sure I'm long dead or I'll find you and I'll stop you. You shouldn't have to die just 'cause you've got some half-brained idea about Sin and Yevon. I'll do everything in my power to keep you from doing something stupid."

                A disenchanted Rikku followed her summoner into the roped-off center of the Calm Lands as night began to erase the twilight air. The men sat down along the outside of the store, leaned against its walls, but she couldn't rest. She slipped away into descending darkness.

                Her aimless steps drifted shoreward. The wind carried soft strains of music to her. Frowning, she followed. As the moon began to rise her eyes picked out a young man leaning against a spike of earth thrust from a recessed circle in the ground. The spike was taller even than Auron.

                She crept close to the young man, not wanting to disturb the sweet reverie he enjoyed. His messy blond hair fell across his face; she could just see through its strands that his eyes were closed. His fingers flickered across his woodwind instrument. Moonlight flickered on its glazed odd-shaped surfaces. His breath mingled inbetween the notes, uninterrupting of the flow.

                *_Where did he come from?*_

                The low, rounded hollow sounds threading through the air entranced her. She leaned into the music. Her eyes studied him in his art.

                *_What's he doing out here, so far from the world? No one comes here except summoners and those who run the store for them? Why play here, where no one will ever hear that sweet refrain?*_

                His piping was almost happy, almost sad, full of memories she didn't know and yet felt with all her heart. She wondered what filled his mind as he stood in the shadow of Sin's legacy and played his song of hope. It seemed almost like he was not playing to be heard by the living.

                A movement stirred her. The music forgotten, she drifted towards the edge of the cliffs. *_I don't remember it being that cloudy earlier...*_

                Someone grabbed her from behind and she shrieked. A grating voice in her ear said, "Don't get any ideas."

                Her muscles unclenched with a shaky sigh. She turned around, thwapping Jecht on the shoulder. "You __scared__ me!"

                "And you scared me. What's the big idea, sneaking away? Come on. We've got a long way yet to go." His firm grip on her arm prevented her from resisting as he dragged her back towards their shelter. At least she managed to fling off his hand and walk on her own, preserving some of her dignity.

                When Braska asked Jecht for the sphere recorder on Mount Gagazet the next day, Rikku did her best vanishing act. She went ahead a little way on the path and busied herself with the local fiends. She was so busy that she almost didn't hear footfalls behind her. She whirled, expecting another Ashura.

                Instead, it was Auron.

                "I take it you're a bit camera-shy," he said.

                She lowered the Godhand. "The records aren't as important to me as they are to Jecht and Braska."

                "Don't you want your family to see you on Lord Braska's pilgrimage?" he said.

                She shrugged. "What would they care? They're Al Bhed, remember."

                "But you're doing this for all of Spira, not just those who believe in Yevon."

                "I don't care what Spira thinks of me. I'd be happy even if no one ever knew I came on your pilgrimage."

                "Are you ashamed of what you're doing?"

                "No, I'm just not into publicity."

                "Neither am I." He paused. "But it's for their children."

                "I'd rather meet them."

                "There is a chance none of us will make it back..."

                "I know," she snapped. "Don't you think I know?" She pressed her eyes shut. "Sorry, Auron."

                "Is something wrong?"

                "Everything." She turned away from him. She didn't even want to try to persuade him that the final summoning wasn't the answer.

                "Rikku..."

                "I said I was sorry."


	6. Al Bhed Rage

                Events gathered momentum, events Rikku felt powerless to stop. They crested Gagazet, and the men were rendered still by the sight of Zanarkand's ruins. She plucked agitatedly at the Godhand, trying not to look. At last they moved on. Her viciousness grew swift and sharp as they encountered fiends. Her mind filled with rage; she found herself wishing there were more enemies ganging up on them at a time. She didn't want time between battles to hear her accusing thoughts.

                *_You haven't figured out a way to save them, and they're going to die.*_

_                *You called Braska 'father' -- surely you wouldn't treat your own father like this?*_

_                *What would Tidus and Yuna say if they knew you weren't doing everything possible to give them their families back?*_

_                *How would you feel if someone had to decide the fate of your father and was as clueless as you?*_

                She blinked back tears as she sliced her Godhand through a Behemoth. She wished she could keep stabbing it even as it fell, but it was already dissolving into pyreflies.

                *_Pyreflies, pyreflies, I'm so sick of pyreflies! Damn you Yunalesca, you spawn of evil!*_

                She continued to vent her rage on fiends, seething inside but silent as she attacked. Rage built up behind her eyes, since she would not let loose the screams clogging her chest. It made her vision blurry at times. She could feel the uneasiness of her companions in the way they hung back from her, watching in silence.

                She blazed them a path through Zanarkand; Braska called a rest when they reached the doors of the Yevon Dome.

                Rikku dropped to the ground and covered her face with her hands. No one seemed eager to bother her, for which she was glad. Her mind had gone numb, losing thoughts even as she tried to grasp at some semblance of sanity.

                *_This can't be happening. I can't be this close and yet not have any idea what to do.*_

                Yevon Dome teemed with pyreflies and ghosts of past summoners. As they entered, Jecht spoke.

                "Hey, Braska," he said. "You don't have to do this."

                Rikku whirled to stare at him. Did Jecht finally believe her?

                "Thank you for your concern," said Braska.

                "Fine," said Jecht. "I said my piece."

                *_Tysshed_,* she swore in her mind.

                "Well, I haven't!" Auron stepped forward. "Lord Braska, let us go back! I don't want to see you... die!"

                *_Woohoo!*_ Her brain jumped for joy. *_An accomplice!*_

                "You knew this was to happen, my friend," said Braska.

                "Yes, but I... I cannot accept it," said Auron.

                Braska gave him a short but kind laugh. "Auron, I am honored that you care for me so... but I have come to kill grief itself. I will defeat Sin, and lift the veil of sorrow covering Spira."

                Auron bowed his head.

                "Please understand, Auron," said Braska.

                "My lord..." she said finally.

                They looked back at her; startled, as if they'd forgotten she was there.

                "My lord, what if there was another way to beat Sin?" she said.

                Jecht groaned. "Not again."

                "Hear me out, okay?" she pleaded.

                "Rikku, it's a bad idea. When will you get it through your head?" said Jecht.

                "Sir Jecht, I never condescended to you or kept your feelings from being heard," she said softly. "Please respect my right to have a say too."

                Auron and Braska looked curious.

                She straightened. "My lord, let me fight Sin. You yourself said that I'm the most powerful person you've ever met. I believe there's a way to defeat Sin so it will never come back, and if you just give me the chance I'll prove it."

                "It would kill you," said Braska. "That's unacceptable to me. You're a healthy young woman, with..."

                "I'm a very healthy young woman!" she said with such force she startled him. She became contrite. "I'm sorry, my lord. What I mean is, no one nearly as strong as me has ever __tried__ to fight Sin. Who knows what might happen?"

                "It's a risk I can't take. Spira can't afford to lose you," he said.

                "But my lord, we stand to win everything. If I can defeat it, and find out what keeps creating it, then there can be an eternal Calm! No one will ever have to fight Sin again."

                "The teachings tell us that Sin is born from our disobedience of the teachings," said Braska. "Until we overcome our flaws, Sin will continue to return."

                She shook her head helplessly. "I can't believe that. There's no proof that we create it, rather than some terrible entity who wants all life on Spira to perish."

                "There's no proof that there is something else behind this," said Braska. "Surely there would be, by now."

                *_Not if the Yevonites wanted to keep it quiet!*_ She bit her tongue -- now was not the time to bring up questions about the Yevon faith. "My lord, you say that Spira can't afford to lose me, but I think that it's you and Jecht that we can't afford to lose. Think of your kids! Listen, I gave you my life when I decided to become a guardian. I chose to accept the possibility of death. Just let me try -- if I fail, then you come back here and get the final aeon and do it your way."

                Braska sighed. "No. I will finish my pilgrimage, and gain the final aeon. I will bring Spira peace."

                She buried her head in her hands. "Why won't anyone listen to me?"

                Jecht put a hand on her shoulder. "It's nice of you to try, Rikku."

                "Nice?!" She cocked her Godhand. "I'll show you __nice__." The unfortunate fiends of Yevon Dome didn't stand a chance.

                "Are the Trials ahead?" Jecht asked when they'd made their way through the dome in Rikku's wrathful wake.

                "Probably," said Braska.

                "Here too, huh? Gimme a break," said Jecht. "I was expecting, you know, parades and fireworks!"

                "You can ask for them after I defeat Sin," said Braska.

                *_He'll have all the fireworks he wants_,* thought Rikku, *_'cause then he'll __be__ Sin.*_

                Braska, Jecht, and Auron looked around the Cloister of Trials. Rikku had no patience for them and stepped forward, stomping on the appropriate floor panels to light up the pattern displayed on the far screen. Pedestals appeared in the nooks in the wall. She turned to the nearest one and shoved it into its nook. Without a word she went through the doorway into the much larger second chamber.

                "Uh..." Jecht started, but fell silent as she tramped around the room, activating panels to match the design on the screen. A panel appeared in the enormous hole in the center of the room; she marched back for the doorway. Three men stepped back in unison as she squeezed past. They watched her repeat the process with three of the other pedestals, creating more platforms in the center of the great room. Finally she yanked spheres from their recesses on either side of the second screen and took them to the last two pedestals. A rumble shook the floor.

                "Rikku?" said Braska.

                She gave him a wounded look and slipped back into the second chamber. The final platform had appeared in the very center of the room. She walked across to it.

                "Stay back a little," she mumbled. "Spectral Keeper'll appear once I activate the platform."

                "What?" said Auron.

                She knelt on the platform, and the Spectral Keeper appeared. She got to her feet and gave it a single tired swipe. She was, as she'd expected, too much for it. She marveled gloomily at how much stronger she was now than the last time she'd been here.

                She turned, waiting. Braska approached first; Auron and Jecht joined them and she activated the platform. They descended.

                "You knew just what to expect. How?" said Braska.

                "I've been here before," she mumbled.

                "What?" Auron said again, and she sighed as he continued. "How could you have possibly been here before?"

                "It's not exactly closed off to the public," she said. "Just not a hot tourist destination."

                "You visited Yevon Dome?" said Auron.

                "Mm," she said.

                "Why?"

                "To learn about the final aeon."

                The lift touched down in a small anteroom.

                "What did you learn?" said Braska.

                "Well, lord, you're here -- why not see for yourself?" She gestured to the doors to the Chamber.

                Braska gave her a long look, then pushed open the doors and stepped through. The doors shut.

                "What are you playing at?" hissed Jecht.

                "Any minute now," she said, "the lord summoner will realize that there is no fayth in there, only an empty statue..."

                The doors flew open. Braska stood there, looking stricken. "There's no final aeon!"

                Jecht grabbed Rikku by the arm and turned her to face him. "How did you know?"

                "I told you: I've been here before," she said.

                "You mean the statue really is empty?" Auron pushed past his lord into the Chamber. Jecht followed. Rikku endured Braska's scrutiny a moment before stepping up to him. The four of them circled the statue, staring at it.

                "What does it mean?" Auron demanded, and Rikku glanced up to see he was looking at her.

                She opened her mouth to reply when an old man drifted through the wall, drawing their attention.

                "The statue is all that remains of Lord Zaon, the first fayth of the Final Summoning," said the old man. "Do not despair; Lady Yunalesca waits beyond to show you the way." He gave them the sign of the prayer and vanished. The wall he'd come through dissolved, replaced by a strange blue mist.

                "Lady Yunalesca?" gasped Braska.

                "She, too, is unsent," said Rikku. She expected one of them to reply, but they only shared a moment of silence before filing through the doorway. The mist blinded her a moment, then she stood in the final room. She lifted her gaze to the black depths around her, thick with pyreflies. A cloud of them coalesced at the top of the stairs on the far side of the room.

                "It is..." whispered Braska; he made the sign of the prayer. Jecht and Auron mirrored him, but Rikku remained defiant. Her hands clenched and unclenched convulsively.

                "Welcome to Zanarkand," said Yunalesca. "I congratulate you, summoner. You have completed your pilgrimage. I will now bestow you with that which you seek. The Final Summoning... will be yours."

                *_She says the same thing every time?*_ Rikku thought, even more provoked now. *_How lame.*_

                "Now, choose," she said, descending the stairs. "You must choose the one whom I will change to become the fayth of the Final Summoning."

                "What?" gasped Auron and Braska.

                "There must be a bond," said Yunalesca, "between chosen and summoner, for that is what the Final Summoning embodies: the bond between husband and wife, mother and child, or between friends. If that bond is strong enough, its light will conquer Sin. A thousand years ago, I chose my husband Zaon as my fayth. Our bond was true, and I obtained the Final Aeon."

                She turned and walked away.

                Auron turned urgently to Braska. "It is not too late! Let us turn back!"

                "If I turn back, who will defeat Sin?" said Braska.

                "__I__ will," hissed Rikku. Braska glanced at her, his eyes full of sorrow.

                "My lord, there must be another way!" pleaded Auron.

                "This is the only way we got now!" said Jecht. "Fine. Make me the fayth."

                Auron and Braska turned to him, startled. Rikku buried her head in her hands.

                "I been doing some thinking," said Jecht. "My dream is back in the other Zanarkand. I wanted to make my son into a star blitz player. Show him the view from the top, you know. But now I know there's no way home for me. I'm never going to see him again. My dream's never gonna come true.

                "So make me the fayth. I'll fight Sin with you, Braska. Then maybe my life will have meaning, you know."

                "Don't do this, Jecht!" said Auron "If you live, there may be another way! We'll think of something, I know! Maybe Rikku's right... she's been right about everything so far." His voice dropped at this last remark, thick with a sorrow that surprised her.

                "Believe me, I thought this through," said Jecht. "Besides, I ain't gettin' any younger, so I might as well make myself useful."

                "Jecht," said Braska.

                Jecht whirled on him. "What?! You're not gonna try to stop me, too?"

                "Sorry," Braska said solemnly. "I mean... thank you."

                Jecht relaxed slightly, and turned back to Auron. "Braska still has to fight Sin, Auron. Guard him well. Make sure he gets there."

                Auron nodded.

                *_I haven't changed anything...!*_ Rikku thought desperately. *_I've made no difference at all!*_

                "Well," said Jecht, "let's go." Braska stepped forward to join him.

                "Lord Braska! Jecht!" Auron called.

                Jecht snorted as he turned back. "What do you want now?"

                "Sin always comes back," said Auron. "It comes back after the Calm every time! The cycle will continue and your deaths will mean nothing!"

                "But there's always a chance it won't come back this time," said Braska.

                "No," said Rikku. "No, there isn't. Because there's something else there, inside Sin, that will create it anew. And it will do it with the spirit of the final aeon!"

                "What?" said Jecht.

                "Auron said I was right before, so please believe me now," she said. "Sin's just being used by another force to destroy Spira, and that force feeds off the power of the aeons sent to destroy Sin. The Calm only lasts as long as it takes that evil entity to create Sin anew from the power of the final aeon."

                "You're saying it'll turn me into the next Sin?" Jecht laughed. "Not if I can help it!"

                "You can't do anything to prevent it," said Rikku. "This being is more powerful than you can imagine."

                "What choice do we have?" said Braska. "We don't know that attacking it any other way will work. We know others have tried and failed. The final summoning is Spira's only hope."

                "Hey, even if this guy succeeds in turning me into a monster, I'll find some way to break the cycle," said Jecht.

                "You have a plan?" said Auron.

                "Trust me, I'll think of something," Jecht laughed. Auron knelt, overcome.

                Rage swelled in Rikku. "_I_ have a plan! But you won't even let me try! Look, we know that the final summoning will destroy both you and Lord Braska, but you only assume that my plan will kill me! What's worse, one lost life, or two?"

                "Rikku." Braska approached her. "Listen to me. Jecht and I have made our peace. We've lived our lives. You're only just beginning." He put his hand on her shoulder, lowered his voice.

                "I believe in you," he said. "I believe that you and Auron can work together to find a way to bring your eternal Calm about. You're too... precious to me to see you try to fight Sin and fail. I couldn't bear it if I had to watch you die too." He swallowed heavily; the light of the pyreflies glistened in a tear trailing down his face. "I want you to see my little girl grow up. I want you and Auron to take care of her. If Jecht turns into Sin, then do everything you can to help him break the chain."

                Unable to speak, she nodded. She threw her arms around him. His gentle, trembling hands looped around her. Her eyes closed but could not dam the tears. "F-father," she sobbed quietly into his shoulder.

                "Hey, Auron," Jecht called. "Can I ask you one last favor?"

                "Yes," Auron murmured faintly. "Anything, my friend."

                Rikku pressed her face further into Braska's coat. Thankfully, he did not try to push her away.

                "Take care of my son," said Jecht. "My son, in Zanarkand. He's such a crybaby. He needs someone there to hold his hand, see? Take care of him, will you?"

                "But how am I supposed to go to Zanarkand?" said Auron.

                "Hey!" said Jecht. "You said it yourself! There must be a way to get there, right? You'll find it."

                "All right," said Auron. "I will. I give you my word. I'll take care of your son. I'll guard him with my life."

                "Thanks, Auron."

                Rikku finally released Braska. He managed to smile at her, and if anything it broke her heart. She forced a smile of her own. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Jecht approach Auron, and turned to look. Jecht hugged the startled monk.

                "You were always such a stiff," said Jecht, "but that's what I liked about you." He glanced over at Rikku. "Oh yeah, take care of her too. She needs it. She's a little hothead."

                "You're a silly old man," she mumbled, and choked back more tears. "I guess now it's up to me to tell Tidus, huh?"

                Jecht looked uncomfortable; he scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I... guess. Listen, take care of Spira for me, huh?"

                She lifted her Godhand with a sad smile. "I'll do my best."

                "We shouldn't delay any longer," said Braska.

                "Right," said Jecht, turning to walk with him towards the stairs. Rikku went to stand beside Auron and gently took his clammy hand. The two of them watched their friends approach Lady Yunalesca.

                The unsent summoner beckoned them to stand on the stairs, and they silently complied. She raised her hands, her arms becoming almost transparent. With a suddenness that made them all gasp, she thrust her hand into Jecht's chest. The older man mad no noise as he fell from her spectral fist. His body shivered.

                Auron stepped forward; Rikku tightened her hand on his and held him fast. Jecht's body was already dissolving into pyreflies. Yunalesca held her hands out to Braska and then opened them. Something dark moved through her fingers, striking the high summoner's body and throwing him backwards.

                Auron choked on a noise of pain, soft and helpless. All Rikku could do was hold his hand. She, too, grieved.

                Yunalesca dissipated in a cyclonic swirl of pyreflies. Braska remained sprawled on the floor; Rikku let go of Auron to rush to his side.

                The Lord Summoner's eyes stared up into the darkness above him. She knelt, quickly joined by Auron.

                "My lord..." she said.

                Braska blinked, breathing heavily.

                "Are you in pain, lord?" she said.

                "N-no," he murmured. "I feel tired."

                Rikku slipped her arms under him and rose, holding the lord in her arms. Startled, he grabbed at her.

                "I will carry you," she said.

                His feeble protests subsided; he looped arms around her neck. With enough lead in her chest to suffocate her if she's stopped to think about what had happened, she carried Yuna's father out of the final temple. Auron followed her, taciturn in his grief.

                She stopped just before the doors into the main dome and knelt in a ruined hall, settling Braska on the floor. His eyes had closed and his slack arms slipped from her neck as she laid him down.

                With a light touch on his arm, she guided Auron aside where they would not disturb Braska.

                "Auron," she said.

                He exhaled shakily, his head bowed.

                "I'm sorry," she said.

                He frowned, sorrow painted over by his confusion. "Why?"

                "I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I'm sorry for the things I've said. I'm sorry I couldn't save them. I'm sorry I'm not a better person."

                He opened his mouth, then closed it. "I... Rikku..."

                "We're going to have to fight Sin now. I don't think Lord Braska's going to give me the chance to do it my way. If... if something happens to me..."

                "I don't believe Sin could possibly kill you." He reached up to her face, startling her, but he only brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "You're far too strong."

                "I'm a fool, Auron. I didn't know the words it would take to convince you that we could fight Sin without going through this. I couldn't even convince me."

                "I believe you." He exhaled. "But I'm not strong enough to help you."

                "Someday we'll both be strong. Maybe I'll even be smart."

                They shared a reflective silence, then Auron said, "Don't hold your breath."

                She was startled until she saw it was a tease; he was smiling faintly. She grinned back and gave him a slap on the rear. He almost laughed... almost.

                Outside the dome, Sin was waiting for them.

                Lord Braska stood to the fore, harsh winds whipping his hair and tearing at his clothes. Leaning into the rushing air, Auron and Rikku stood behind him.

                *_He didn't even get to see Yunie one last time_, she thought. _I guess he must have said his goodbyes before he started... but... he seemed so sad.*_

                The shimmering, scaly monster rose from the depths, towering over them until it blocked the sun. Braska raised his staff.

                "No!" Rikku leaped forward, charging at Sin, gathering Flare in one hand while the other braced the Godhand. Strong arms grabbed her and yanked her back. She thrashed, gasping.

                "I don't want to lose you too," Auron said in her ear. "Don't leave me all alone."

                As Braska began to perform the summoning, she sank against Auron. Her face contorted in agonized powerlessness. The sky was beginning to writhe and crack over the High Summoner.

                *_It's too late to save them, Rikki_,* she told herself. *_If you don't get yourself killed, maybe you can accomplish what you came for.* _She set her jaw._ *There will be time for Yu Yevon later._*

                Her gaze never wavered from the unfolding final summon. The aeon that ripped the air bore Jecht's tattoo on his massive furiously-red chest.

                Her mind crushed in on itself, filled with grief. She felt Auron's arms trembling. The gale turned cold, biting at her exposed face.

                The final aeon raised his head, burning spheres where its eyes should have been. It swung one hand ponderously at Sin.

                The thunderclap and blast of light smashed the guardians into the ground. Rikku was buried under Auron's weight, his heavy coat wrapping itself around her at the air's furious bidding. Her ears popped; she felt the tempest coalesce to rip across the plain, spiraling out from Sin. Roaring died away into the distance as pressure left and the whirlwind died.

                Rikku shifted, attempting to breathe and to see. Auron managed to drag himself off her; he staggered as he rose. She pushed the ground away. As she straightened, she saw the calm sea and Braska's body.

                A cry loosed from her; she ran to his side. She knelt by him, joined in the next instant by Auron. The summoner's eyes stared up into forever. Traces of a smile lingered at the corners of his still lips.

                Auron's hand shot out; she recoiled, but he was only moving to close High Summoner Braska's eyes. Her knee began to hurt; she reached down to find what she'd knelt on: Braska's staff. She cradled it to her chest, so close she could feel her heartbeat vibrating through the staff.

                A thought drifted through her mind. She brought herself to her feet, fatigued by sorrow. Her hand lifted the staff up and away from her. At the edge of her sight, Auron looked up at her. She whirled the staff around her body. She didn't quite know how she remembered; she didn't think she'd ever seen Yuna perform the whole sending -- but nevertheless, she danced its terrible dance. She felt power flowing out from her. The staff focused it as she twirled. She saw the first twinklings around Braska's body.

                *_Be free_,* her thoughts murmured.

                She'd never been so anguished to see pyreflies, but could not stop. A slow, meandering spiral of light rose towards the sky. *_Stars returning home_,* she thought, only half-believing herself. At last the flow had stopped, and she brought the staff back to her body to bow to the place where his body had been. Not even a mark remained on the cracked pavement of old Zanarkand.

                "Goodbye," she whispered.

                Auron exploded to his feet. She gasped, leaping forward and dodging into his path as he turned towards the dome.

                "Auron!" she cried. "Auron, listen to me! There's nothing you can do to bring them back!"

                He shoved her aside. She pelted after him, grabbed him by the sleeve, and managed with all her strength to halt him. His fury blazed at her out of a wine-dark face.

                "Spira needs you! Spira needs to know what your eyes have seen, to know the truth! Yuna and Tidus need you! You have to honor the memories of your friends by keeping your promises to them. AURON! Are you even listening?! _Tysshed_!" She dug her fingers into his arms and shook him. He didn't even flinch. "Don't leave me all alone! That's what you said to me, isn't it? Well, now it's my turn! I lost them too! I don't want to lose you!"

                She could tell he couldn't even care about her where he was now. His head turned toward the dome. A growl rumbled through him.

                Exasperated, she cried, "You wanna fight Yunalesca?! Fine! Let's go fight! But you have to remember the truth, and live to tell the next summoner that comes to fight Sin!"

                Shoving the staff in her belt, she drew forth the Godhand and charged into the dome. Auron stayed close on her heels. It was all she could do to keep ahead of him. Her heart lurched at the thought that he might get to the chamber first. She focused into running, wishing she could Haste herself to get there faster.

                She slipped a special targe on her arm to ward off the monsters as she ran. She reached the Cloister without incident but had gained no lead on the murderous Auron. Riding the lift down with him was near-agony as she saw him trembling with rage.

                She raced into Yunalesca's chamber, took a deep breath, and suddenly felt her own rage at hand. She screamed at the top of her lungs: "YUNALESCA! KAD UID RANA YHT YHCFAN VUN DRAEN TAYDRC!"

                A swath of pyreflies combined, forming the outlines of the unsent's body.

                Rikku raised her left arm, pointing the Godhand at her target. Torrents of enraged Al Bhed shook Rikku as she approached Yunalesca. "OUI FYHHY BEALA UV SA, PEDLR? UN TU OUI ZICD BELG UH CISSUHANC YHT KIYNTEYHC FRU TUH'D GHUF YHO PADDAN?"

                Yunalesca swelled as more pyreflies gathered to her; she was changing form.

                Rikku wasn't swayed, merely more furious. "E'S CU CELG UV OUIN TYSHAT MEAC! OUIN VYDRAN FYC Y CELG VILG, HUD CUSA CYJEUN DU SPIRA, YHT E'S KUEHK DU SYGA CINA AJANO MEJEHK DREHK UH SPIRA GHUFC FRYD OUI TET!" Her voice cracked on the last sentence.

                Yunalesca didn't even bother to respond, a smirk on her evil face. She obviously expected to sweep the slight girl from existence with a flick of her wrist.

                Finally Rikku's left hand had filled with power, and she relished the moment. "Ajan ryt y tuipma tuca uv Rumo?" she hissed gutturally, and flung the spell she'd gathered.

                The attack flung Yunalesca's body backwards; when she straightened, her form had melted into a more monstrous one. Rikku already had a second dose of Holy ready and finished the doublecast on Yunalesca's unwitting form.

                Yunalesca swelled again, roaring her wrath as she became a huge head entwined with snakelike coils. Rikku had to stop for a breath, and the clouds gathered in her enemy's face crackled.

                The attack hit both Rikku and Auron, who so far had not managed to get a strike in. He fell backwards, but Rikku swayed with it. She felt a horrible sick feeling but ignored it. She raised Braska's staff, twirling it between her fingers.

                Shiva exploded from the sky. Anticipation shivered through Rikku's body as she saw the flicker in Yunalesca's eyes.

                *_Weren't expecting that, were you, pedlr?_*

                Fortunately, Rikku had taken some time to exercise the ice aeon, and she was fully revved and mad as hell. Shiva posed, eyes closed, gathering near-invisible ice breath into her body. She reached out, unblinking, and snapped her fingers.

                Yunalesca erupted with a thousand shards of ice. She shrieked as the diamond dust sliced her to ribbons. The sick feeling left Rikku. Without pausing, the Al Bhed pirouetted, raising the staff above her head. The effort had her gasping. Her arms snapped up and around. She spun faster and faster, her mind losing itself in the dark dance. Her eyes slid closed. Light flickered around her, flashing in her mind.

                With a suddenness that shook her, Rikku lost the motions of the sending and spiraled to the floor. The staff clattered beside her. The room seemed to be rushing upwards and tilting wildly. She clung to the floor.

                Something moved beside her; her arm twitched but was unable to lift the Godhand.

                "Rikku."

                Her eyes opened.

                Auron drew her up from the floor, into his arms. She was surprised, but too weak to fight his embrace. She tentatively patted him on the back. Her eyes darted around the room, but no suspicious clouds of pyreflies were forming.

                "Why..." she croaked, "why didn't I do that in the first place?" Remorse shuddered through her. "Then they would have __had__ to try it my way... I... I had no idea I was strong enough..."

                "Neither did I." He released her as she squirmed, and looked into her face. "You scared the shit out of me. What were you screaming?"

                She blinked. "Err... I don't remember." She twitched, then pulled her legs under her and started to rise. He supported her to her feet. A sigh left her; she managed to steady herself. She was still trembling from the adrenalin in her system. She put a hand to her head, looking around. "Did I dismiss Shiva...?" She turned around and gasped.

                The Fayth of Knowledge, nearly transparent, stood behind her. Its form seemed shadowed, superimposed on the room rather than an echo within it. She knew without even thinking that it was not of this time, and that most likely Auron would not see or hear it. Her hypothesis proved true:

                "Have you finished what you came for, Miss Al Bhed?" is said, its voice a papery whisper.

                She whirled to Auron. "Auron, listen carefully. I need you to remember what happened, so you can tell the next summoner who comes this way. I need you to remember that the final summoning is a lie, and that the only way to end the tyranny is to defeat the evil within Sin. You have to crack its shell and go inside! Do you understand?"

                "But..." he stammered, "you will tell them... Lord Braska charged us both to find a way!"

                "Listen to me!" she begged. "This is very important. I can't stay. I'm out of time." *_In more ways than one._* "Never forget what I've said to you today. It's our only chance."

                "It is time," the Fayth of Knowledge breathed.

                She half-turned. "Just another minute, please...!"

                "You have no choice," said the fayth.

                Rikku focused on Auron, who looked bewildered by her aside. Her words were rushed, desperate. "Don't forget to take care of Yuna and Tidus! Jecht will help you get to Zanarkand! One more thing, and please remember this!" She had to pause to take a breath, then hurried on. "Ten years from now, on the twenty-third day of the third month, a friend of yours will be missing. Come to this very place," she stabbed a finger downwards, "and use the potion that you find here on your friend..."

                "NOW, Miss Al Bhed!" The fayth's voice echoed behind her.

                She was yanked backwards and the room clouded to black in a split-second. "Remember...!" she cried hoarsely.

                A whisper of breath touched her: "...Wait! Rikku!..."

                "...don't leave me alone..."


	7. Remember?

                Rikku realized her eyes were open. She tried to blink, but was not able to. After a moment they blinked of their own accord. Her mind assimilated what she was seeing in a much slower way than usual. She still heard, felt, and smelled nothing, but at last she was able to see the south bank of the Moonflow, every surface shining with the light of a very bright day. She could see Tidus before her. His lips were moving, but she still couldn't hear.

                Rikku's head turned without her say, and she saw Wakka, Lulu, Yuna, Auron, and Kimahri approaching. Wakka's lips were moving, and at last her brain had started to process sound again.

                "Pleased to meet you!" she heard herself chirp. "I'm Rikku!"

                *_I'm looking at a memory. My memory..._*

                "Yuna, L..." Tidus began.

                "Rikku?" Auron stepped forward. "Is it you?"

                Stuck within her memory, Rikku gasped silently. The older Auron looked very different than she remembered -- no collar, no sunglasses, no scars, no day-old grizzle... and his eyes were full of amazement and recognition.

                *_I changed the past, and now it's changing what happened to me...!_*

                "Do I know you?" she heard herself say.

                "Don't you remember?" said Auron.

                "I've never met you before in my life," she said.

                Auron made a strangled sound and stepped back, his eyes boring into her. She felt her own brow knit. After an awkward silence, she heard Tidus speak again.

                "She was the one who helped me before I was washed up on Besaid! She's an Al Bhe..."

                Rikku's body whirled on him.

                "Beh..." he croaked weakly.

                "Wow," said Wakka, "so you, like, owe her your life! What luck meeting here, ya? Praise be to Yevon!" He performed the prayer gesture. "So, uh... Rikku... You look a little beat up! You okay?"

                "Uh, Wakka..." said Lulu.

                "Huh? What?" he said.

                "There's something we need to discuss," said Yuna.

                "Oh, go ahead," he said.

                "Girls only! Boys please wait over there!"

                "Right," said Lulu. "Sorry, Wakka."

                Rikku felt herself walking away. She'd overcome a moment of unease at not being in control and was simply watching. She didn't really listen to herself, because nothing was different here -- she focused on Yuna. It felt so good to see her again.

                The three of them walked back to the group.

                "Sir Auron..." said Yuna. "I would like Rikku to be my guardian."

                Rikku's head lowered as Auron approached; she could only see his boots and the sandy dirt under them.

                "What an... excellent idea," said Auron.

                Rikku's head snapped up in surprise, but his youthful grin was already fading from sight.

                "...Speak with you?" Auron's voice came to her.

                Rikku's vision returned; she was in Guadosalam, snacking eagerly on the food laid out for Lady Yuna and her guardians.

                "Sure!" said Rikku.

                "In private?" said Auron.

                She followed him across the room, away from where Tidus was talking with Lulu.

                "How old are you?" he said.

                She straightened up. "I'm sixteen!" she said defiantly.

                "Mm. Have you ever been to the Zanarkand ruins?" he said.

                "Huh? No, never. Nobody goes there anymore," she said.

                "I see."

                "Why are you asking me all this?"

                "I was curious." He turned and walked away; her head cocked and the last thing she saw of that incident was a fading sideways view of the strange quiet man.

                *_He remembers me! I wonder if that's a good thing..._*

                A boom of thunder startled Rikku; her sight showed the gloomy slate-grey thunder plains spread before them. She could feel herself trembling wildly where she crouched on the ground.

                *_Oh, grow up_,* she thought with a sigh. *_You can summon aeons now! Or... well... I can. Anyway, there's no reason to be scared of lightning!_*

                "I think I forgot something in Guadosalam," she stammered.

                She felt a hand on her shoulder; her gaze soared up to Auron's face.

                "It's all right," he told her. "Don't be frightened. There's a travel agency halfway across, where we can rest."

                She rose shakily, and he kept his hand on her shoulder as they began to cross. Every time lightning struck she cringed and he gave her a gentle squeeze.

                *_He's taking care of me_,* she thought as Tidus stopped to speak to a priestess of Yevon. *_That's so sweet. I guess it's easier to be nice if you're not dead or hopeless._*

                As they continued, they were stopped by the sight of lightning striking a nearby tower twice.

                "Whoa!" Wakka laughed. "That was a close one!"

                "Stop kidding around," admonished Lulu.

                "Yes, ma'am..." said Wakka.

                "Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh..." Rikku stammered, shaking. She felt Auron look down at her.

                "Hmm?" said Wakka. "What's wrong?"

                "Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh..." Rikku chattered.

                "'Heh heh heh...'" Tidus mimicked her. "You're givin' me the creeps!"

                A whipcrack of lightning sent her to her knees with a shriek. Her hands wrapped around her ears. Within the memory, Rikku wished she could roll her eyes.

                *_Oh, get _up_._*

                Arms slipped under her, curled around her shaking body. Rikku's eyes opened just enough to see Auron as he rose, holding her.

                "It's not far now," he murmured.

                He carried her to safety, as she'd once carried Lord Summoner Braska. Her heart sighed warmly as the scene faded from her senses.

                Rikku blinked; she found she was sitting down, watching a sphere. She recognized the place as a fork from the main path through Macalania Woods, where they'd fought Spherimorph.

                In the sphere's recording, Jecht was standing in that same place. The picture was almost a haze of blue. He began to speak, his voice tinny from the age of the recording.

                "Hey," he said. "If you're sitting there, watching this, it means you're stuck in Spira, like me. You might not know when you'll get back home, but you better not be crying!"

                Rikku's head turned to look at Tidus; she saw Yuna too was looking. Tidus's expression was hard.

                "Although," Jecht continued, "I guess I'd understand. But you know what? There's a time when you have to stop crying and move on. You'll be fine. Remember, you're my son. And... I love you."

                Tidus stopped breathing. His face softened -- just a little.

                "Anyways..." said Jecht. "I believe in you. Be good. Goodbye."

                The sphere clicked off.

                After a moment's silence, Auron said, "Jecht had already accepted his fate."

                Inside, Rikku felt like cheering and crying, but her outer self was oblivious and mute.

                *_Thank you, Jecht._*

                "His fate?" Tidus's words were faint as Rikku lost sight of Macalania Woods.

                "You're a good guardian," Auron murmured to Rikku.

                This time she was on the airship, sitting on a panel and swinging her legs as she went through her pouch. She heard her father's voice in the background, and her heart swelled.

                *_Dad! I can't wait to see him again._*

                She glanced up. "Hm? Oh, yeah. Thanks."

                "I'd like to think we're friends," said Auron.

                "Yeah, of course!" she said. "We're buddies."

                He sighed. "I hope you know that I'd do anything for you."

                "Yeah, same here." Her voice was distracted, but inside her the Rikku watching was very touched.

                "If you ever need anything... please let me know."

                "Ditto."

                Auron turned, and the memory slipped away.

                Auron had been quiet for a long time, distancing himself from the arguments at the table over how best to approach Sin, and if they needed to be stronger before going up against it. There was a heated discussion over just what they needed to break into its shell. His eyes focused on the clouds whizzing by outside the airship.

                Suddenly, he said, "Where's Rikku?"

                Tidus, who had been speaking, closed his mouth and looked puzzled. "Uh... I dunno. She hasn't been around for a while. Said something about her celestial weapon last time, didn't she?"

                There was a sort of general shrug from Lulu, Yuna, Wakka, and Kimahri.

                "I think she was bored, ya?" said Wakka. "So, we figure out what we're gonna do, and then we go pick her up."

                "I'd better make sure she's all right." Auron rose and left the stateroom, striding quickly down the hall. He felt a little uneasy when he realized how long she'd been gone. He'd been so fixated on how to defeat Sin once and for all that he hadn't really noticed when she left.

                He strode onto the bridge, arrowing straight for Cid. The captain turned, raising an eyebrow.

                "Frana ec ouin tyikrdan?" said Auron. "E's luhlanhat ypuid ran."

                "She... she's out killing things, she said," replied Cid. "Or maybe she's still looking for the sigil to unlock that Godhand of hers."

                "Godhand?" His heart twisted. It had been a long time since he'd heard that word, and it made him feel queasy to hear it now. "How long has she been gone?"

                "Hmm," said Cid, "last time we dropped her off in the Calm Lands was, oh, about two days ago."

                "Two __days__?" said Auron. The door to the bridge opened and the rest of his companions filed in silently, but he wasn't paying attention. "And you haven't heard from her since?"

                "Hey, she can take care of herself," said Cid.

                Auron swallowed and whirled around, startling Yuna into backing away.

                "What's the date?" he hissed.

                "D-date?" she stammered.

                "Yes! What day is today? Doesn't __anyone__ know?!" he snapped.

                "It's the twenty-third day," Rikku's brother piped up from the cockpit, "of the third month."

                "Shit!" Auron turned to Cid. "Take me to Yevon Dome, now!"

                "Hey, hold your horses! There's nowhere to land there," said Cid.

                "Then take me to Zanarkand! Hurry!"

                Cid did as he was bid, but didn't look like he enjoyed Auron's tone.

                "What's the matter?" said Lulu.

                Auron shook his head. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten. He only hoped he could get there in time.

                "There is no final aeon?" Rikku heard herself cry. She saw she was standing in the Chamber of the Fayth in Yevon Dome, her friends crowded in around her.

                Tidus rounded on Auron. "Auron, you knew this was going to happen, didn't you?" he demanded.

                Auron nodded once. "Come with me."

                They followed him through a blue haze, into Yunalesca's chamber. Rikku's mind froze with apprehension as she watched the scene unfold -- this was the moment of truth, when she'd know at last if Yunalesca was truly gone.

                "After her death, Lady Summoner Yunalesca came here," said Auron, his voice sounding hollow. "She lingered here, unsent, for centuries. She guided summoners to the final aeon. But the final summoning was a lie. Sin was created by an evil force to wreak destruction on Spira. Destroying Sin with the final aeon would only give that being its power and soul, with which to create the next Sin."

                "So that's why Jecht became Sin," said Tidus.

                "But... if we atone for our crimes, Sin will stop coming back, ya?" said Wakka desperately. "Someday, it'll be gone, ya?"

                "Not as long as what is within survives," said Auron. "It only cares about destruction of all life on Spira."

                "This... this cannot be!" gasped Lulu. "The teachings state that we can exorcise Sin with complete atonement! It's been our only hope all these years!"

                "The teachings were prevarications that Yunalesca established to preserve the reputation of her father, Summoner Yu Yevon," said Auron. "It is he who reposes within Sin and craves death."

                "Yevon?!" cried Wakka.

                "He summoned the first Sin, and has created every subsequent Sin out of the souls of the aeons sent to destroy Sin," said Auron. "These souls were those of the guardians who accompanied their summoners here. Yunalesca made them into the final aeons. As she did with Jecht."

                "But... then... where is Lady Yunalesca now?" said Yuna.

                Auron turned to face them. "She was annihilated, right here, ten years ago -- as revenge for Lord Braska's and Sir Jecht's deaths, as well as to end the lies forever. I was here to see the summoner send her."

                *_Me,_* Rikku thought.

                Yuna dropped her head. "Then... there is no hope."

                "No," said Auron. "We can end Sin's terrible legacy. We must break through Sin's shell and defeat Yu Yevon, within."

                "Will that work?" said Tidus.

                "I believe so. I have researched the subject..." Auron gave him a wry smile, "extensively."

                *_Bravo, Auron! You kept your promises..._* Rikku thought.

                "Rikku?" said Auron, suddenly sounding far away.

                She frowned -- his lips hadn't moved. The scene went dark around her.

                "Rikku?"

                She waited for more memories to come, but her mind remained blank, except for someone calling her name.

                "Come on, wake up, Rikku."

                *_Wake up?_* she thought, and opened her eyes in surprise. She blinked, surprised again by the fact that she'd regained control of her senses.

                Auron's face, above her, was a mask of anxiety. She tried to shift her body and wound up over-compensating for the paralysis she'd been feeling -- she jerked convulsively. Arms tightened around her.

                "Shh, it's all right," he said.

                She shook her head softly and pushed him off, sitting up. She looked up and around. Behind Auron, the rest of her friends were clustered, staring at her.

                She laughed, then coughed. Her mouth tasted like uncured leather. One hand supporting her, she reached up to her head. Suddenly it dawned on her.

                *_I'm back._*

                She scrambled to her feet. Auron attempted to help her, but she waved him off. She rotated on the ball of her foot, looking around the empty chamber.

                "Are you all right?" said Auron.

                "I'm..." She whirled, all her attention on him. She scrutinized his face; the memories she'd just relived proved true as she saw he was still without glasses or scars. She broke into a grin. "You remembered!"

                "I almost didn't." He hung his head. "I... it's been ten years."

                "But only a few minutes, for me." She threw her arms around him. "Thank you for coming back for me."

                His hands, now tentative, touched her back. She pulled away, looking querulously at his face.

                "You... remember me now?"

                "Yeah, you've finally caught up to me... or I've caught up to you. I'm not sure."

                "How did you do it? And why?"

                "Do what?" said Tidus. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?"

                "I prayed to the fayth," Rikku answered Auron, making the sign of prayer to him. Her eyes slid to the side, and she saw the Fayth of Knowledge nod solemnly to her.

                "Hey," she said. "Let's go find Sin. I just had this __great__ idea on how to beat him."

                Auron laughed, looping an arm around her shoulders. The two guardians crossed the chamber, the subject of bewildered stares from their friends.

                "So what's your idea?" he murmured.

                "Well, first I gotta go to Remiem Temple, 'cause I heard they have this _gelg-ycc_ aeon there..."

                "Don't tell me __you're__ going on a pilgrimage now?"

                "Hey, there's an idea! But where the heck am I gonna find guardians to go with me?"

                "Ahem."

                "I mean __good__ guardians."

                "Hey!" He smacked her on the butt. She raced ahead, full of laughter, and her old friend chased after her.

                *_Jecht's right_,* she thought sunnily. *_Sin doesn't stand a chance..._*

--FIN--


	8. Epilogue

They might have been pyreflies, they might have been stars. Either way Rikku didn't think they could exist inside Sin. She lingered last; Yuna and her guardians did not wait for the Al Bhed straggler to catch up.

It looked like the sphere Seymour had shown them of Zanarkand, only very quiet and frozen in place. Rikku tore her eyes from the scenery when she spotted the bare, muscled back turned to them. Their host was standing in the middle of the pavilion. Yuna stood at the edge; Wakka, Lulu, Kimahri, Tidus and Auron stood behind her.

"Jecht!" Rikku shrieked, and shoved her friends aside. Her feet pounded into the unusually stiff ground. The old man turned, his face registering escalating levels of shock as she threw herself into him, her arms grabbing his shoulders.

"I thought you were gone forever," she cried. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

He did not embrace her in return but patiently pushed her to arm's length. She was surprised to see his face looking so blurred, then felt the telltale hot stream down her face.

"Somehow I knew you'd get here, girl," he said, "but I didn't expect this. You haven't aged." He reached up to touch her face but didn't quite. "You didn't go and die on my, didja?"

She shook her head. "You haven't aged either, old man."

He sighed. "Being Sin does that to a person."

"But you're still here. You're still you, even inside all this junk. Why?" She saw his unyielding cast and turned accusingly to Auron, hastily wiping her tears on her targe. "You knew it would be like this!"

Auron hesitated. "I… had a suspicion. I hoped not."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean? Jecht's alive! Maybe we can still save him."

"Rikku…" said Jecht, and Rikku started to turn, but was stilled when Tidus said the same thing, much more sharply.

"Rikku," said Tidus. "How do you know my old man?"

"She's an old friend of mine," Jecht dismissed Tidus's question. "As to your ideas of saving me, Rikki, I suggest you stop thinking of me as the man you knew. That man is dead, just as dead as Lord Braska."

"I still see the guardian who was my friend, in your eyes. Oh, Jecht. I forgive you. You can come with us. You can leave this!" She reached out to him, but he didn't take her hand.

"Auron… " The old man's pained gaze shifted.

Auron stepped forward. "He wants you to defeat him," he told her. "You're the only one who can."

"No," she said. "I'm here to fight Yu Yevon. Once he's defeated, we can take you back to Spira."

"Once Yevon's defeated," said Tidus, "the dream will end."

She whirled. "What dream?"

"The dream of the fayth," said Tidus. "They have been sleeping for hundreds of years, dreaming of Zanarkand and its people as they were a thousand years ago. My old man was brought out of that dream to help Spira. So was I."

"What?" said Auron.

"That's right," said Tidus. "I'm not real. Once Yevon is defeated, the fayth will stop dreaming and go to their rest. Jecht and I will vanish."

"What?! No!" cried Rikku.

"You don't have a choice, darlin'." Finally Jecht touched her, cupped her face with his hands. "All you can do is set us all free. Me, my boy, all the fayth who are so tired."

"You're important to people! You can't just be a dream!" Rikku felt her mind crashing in on itself, her chest sucking like a vacuum as she tried to keep breathing.

"It's time for the dream to end." Jecht's body swelled and darkened. "I can't hear the Hymn so well anymore. Pretty soon, I'm gonna be Sin, completely. I'm glad you're here to do this. I trust you. Don't hold back, girl. Hit me with all you've got."

She shook her head, but didn't get a chance to protest further.

"You'd better. I'll kill you." His voice grew guttural. "I'm… sorry." His skin burst into a bright red hue, emblazoned with his tattooed emblem in a glowing flame.

"Rikku!" Auron snapped.

So, too, did Rikku snap. When angry Rikku manifested in her, it was nearly impossible to put her away. She wasn't aware of anyone fighting with her, but later she imagined Auron must have been doing some of the work. All she knew was the summoning, the spells, the Godhand searing her palm with her vicious strikes.

Pyreflies exploded around her. The brightness stung her eyes. As she came out of her battle rage, she saw a body lying among them. With a strangely muted cry she dove through the colored lights to kneel beside him. She was aware of Tidus falling to his knees with her.

"You… both of you… crybabies," Jecht said, with some effort. "You're always crying, boy."

"I hate you, Dad," sobbed Tidus.

"I love you, son," said Jecht.

Rikku buried her head in her arms. She felt a hand on her shoulder but refused to look up at Auron. Tidus was shaking with something that Rikku couldn't identify. She had no idea what was going on inside him. All she was aware of was the man lying before her and her own pain.

Tidus got to his feet, still trembling. Rikku saw his shoes out of the corner of her eye.

"I hope you've still got some of that Al Bhed temper stored up in you, girl, and I hope you've still got some hatred bottled," said Jecht.

"Right," said Tidus. "We've got a job to do, don't we?"

"Good," said Jecht, looking past Rikku's silence at his son. "That's right."

"You know…" said Tidus, "for the first time, I'm glad… to have you as my father."

"Sir Jecht…" Yuna's voice was distant, almost foreign. "I should…"

"No, Yuna, there's no time!" Jecht's voice was suddenly urgent.

Echoing, underwater sounds didn't quite register with Rikku. Something was happening, but she didn't care anymore.

"You stay away!" Tidus yelled at something.

"Rikku." Jecht grasped Rikku's arm. "You know what to do."

"This is the second time I've lost you," she said.

"I promise, it's the last, darlin'. Call the aeons. Call them," he said.

"No…" She leaned over him to hug him. "I can't say goodbye again. I'm losing everyone. I tried so hard. I didn't make any difference. I'm still losing everyone!"

"Shut up, girl, and do your job! You're Braska's daughter's guardian, and a summoner of Spira! Do everyone proud! Especially me!" He shoved her away with all his strength.

"You cantankerous old man!" she screamed, and burst into sobs.

"No, now, don't you cry. Get angry! Fight, girl!" He dissolved into pyreflies, spiraling up in colored light. As Rikku watched them shy away from a black formless creature in the sky, she grasped Braska's old, smooth, worn staff in her hands and felt the calm of anger and power infuse her body.

"Yes," she whispered. "For Braska. For Jecht. You're the last friends I'll ever watch die."

Even if they'd wanted to, no one could have ever held her back.


End file.
